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Jobb Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Rain
Do you think the writing below is: 1) Fine; 2) So-so; 3) Not very bad.?
The rain started to fall that day in my sleep, and it was still pouring down splish- splash at noon with the sky being shrouded in a curtain of mist. The rain drenched everything: the streets, vehicles, trees, buildings along the streets and umbrellas held up here and there. The rain apparently swept away much of the restlessness and hustle and bustle of the city as well as the restless fluff that would have otherwise been floating in the air.
The rain started to fall that day in my sleep, and it was still pouring down splish- splash at noon with the sky being shrouded in a curtain of mist. The rain drenched everything: the streets, vehicles, trees, buildings along the streets and umbrellas held up here and there. The rain apparently swept away much of the restlessness and hustle and bustle of the city as well as the restless fluff that would have otherwise been floating in the air.
Top answer
This one I would rate as still 'so-so'. ; and 'restlessness and hustle and bustle' needs some re-thought, as does the repetitive 'restless' of 'restless fluff'. Other parts are much better than before, though.
- This one I would rate as still 'so-so'.
- ; and 'restlessness and hustle and bustle' needs some re-thought, as does the repetitive 'restless' of 'restless fluff'.
- Other parts are much better than before, though.
- I'll move this one to Writing World too.
- These seem like they belong there now.
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1 Answers
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This one I would rate as still 'so-so'.
The 'rain in my sleep' needs work; lose 'being' (a very weak use); 'here and there' means spottily-- in a drenching rain?; and 'restlessness and hustle and bustle' needs some re-thought, as does the repetitive 'restless' of 'restless fluff'.
Other parts are much better than before, though.
I'll move this one to Writi
The 'rain in my sleep' needs work; lose 'being' (a very weak use); 'here and there' means spottily-- in a drenching rain?; and 'restlessness and hustle and bustle' needs some re-thought, as does the repetitive 'restless' of 'restless fluff'.
Other parts are much better than before, though.
I'll move this one to Writi
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