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Keweenaw Posted 19 years ago

"Angry Bloggers" This is in need of editing Please see what you can do.

0 This bit is in need of editing. Please give it a onceover and revise as you wish. I am interested in seeing the evolving results. Best, JDA02br
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00 Angry Bloggers 02br
02br
00Our local Pundits, Village Hacks, and pseudo Sages02br
00So clog the webways with their rages.02br
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00These mavens of misquote and champion throwers of the flame02br
00Possess all the low arts, too numerous to name.02br
00Yet are so Impelled to pound out their version of the “Truth.”02br
00Sadly, all practiced without the rapier of wit, 02br
00Nor the thoughtful dissertation of the pen.02br
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00Just unreflective bile fired broadside off their keyboards02br
00Squeezing that non retractable trigger: 02br
00“Send”0-
  

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4 Answers
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0Angry Bloggers 02br
02br
00Our local pundits, village hacks, and pseudo-sages02br
00clog the webways with their rages.02br
02br
00These mavens of misquote and champion throwers of the flame02br
00possess all the low arts (too numerous to name)02br
00yet are impelled to pound out their version of the truth--02br
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0 Thanks.02br
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00I do feel like I'm a finger painter amongst the pre-raphaelites.02br
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00Is it still junk words?0-
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0Most of us are fingerpainters, JDA. As light verse, your piece is quite entertaining. Your vocabulary is not junk at all, but seems apt overall. A poet needs to avoid cliche ('rapier of wit') and embrace new collocations ('dissertation of the pen'), and you need to work harder at maintaining the internal rhythm. For example, 'possess all the low arts' throws a clinker into the line, and th
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0I have a question, Mr. M. I don't see the purpose of :02br
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00"Our local pundits, village hacks, and pseudo-sages02br
00clog the webways with their rages."02br
02br
00Will the poem read better without it? (I don't think the poem reads well when it begins with 'these", but that can be tweaked?)0-
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