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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

Question concerning the corectness of this sentence

I am currently translating a rather difficult Danish text into English and could use a little help. I am not entirely sure that the sentence shown below is grammatically correct.

"The eyes of Marshal Herman Goring, on the wall, kept glowering upon those present but made little impressions on the officer – who had slept peacefully ever since he was laid to bed in the midst of summer. "



...stare upon all those present... doesn't really sound right to me.



Any help would be appreciated.
  

Top answer

My suggestions: Hanging on the wall, t he eyes of Marshal Herman Goring glowered upon all those present but made little impression on the officer , who had been sleeping peacefully ever since he was laid in / put to bed in midsummer .

  • My suggestions: Hanging on the wall, t he eyes of Marshal Herman Goring glowered upon all those present but made little impression on the officer , who had been sleeping peacefully ever since he was laid in / put to bed in midsummer .
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5 Answers
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My suggestions:

Hanging on the wall, the eyes of Marshal Herman Goring glowered upon all those present but made little impression on the officer, who had been sleeping peacefully ever since he was laid in / put to bed in midsummer.

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I'm struggling with the "Hanging on the wall, the eyes" part. Logically, we know it's a portrait, but it sounds vaguely reminsicent of poor Mad Eyed Moody from Harry Potter, whose magical eye was actually hung on the wall.

I know it's a translation, but can you make some adjustments? From his portrait hanging on the wall, Marshal.. glowered...
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Hi guys,

who had slept peacefully ever since he was laid to bed in the midst of summer. "

This seems rather baffling to me.

How long has this officer been sleeping? The implication is for a long time. Why has he been in bed for such a long time?

Why did someone have to lay or put him to bed? Is he in a coma? Is he even perhaps dead?

The context
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I was assuming coma.
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And I was assuming the eyes were there, plucked from the skull of the suicide. I tend not to worry about odd contexts-- who knows what may be going on!-- as long as the grammar is reasonable.

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