Proper use of "too"

Question

If my friend were to say to me, "I'd like to have dinner with you," which would it be more correct for me to say in response: either "I'd like to have dinner with you," or "I'd like to have dinner with you, too?" The latter seems incorrect because the "you" I'm talking about (my friend) is not the same "you" that he's talking about

. It seems like you would use "too" only if there were a third person involved. For example, if my friend says, "I'd like to have dinner with Sam," and I also want to have dinner with Sam, then I would say, "I'd like to have dinner with Sam, too." But if the person the speaker wants to have dinner with is different (my friend, with me, me, with my friend), "too" seems incorrectly applied.

-Peter B.

Brooklyn, NY

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi

If I may say so, I think you're tying yourself up in knots a bit here. 'Too' here just means 'as well'. The point is 'as well as what?' The context will often make this very clear. If not, then more conversation will occur to clarify it.

Mary: I love you, Tom.

Tom: I love you, too. I don't think Mary will wonder if he is saying that he loves her as well as loving Jane and Betty.

Mary: I'd like to have dinner with you.

Tom: I'd like to have dinner with you, too. (Thinks 'Yippee, she likes me, tonight's the night, Oh my ***!)

Now, if there is a third person involved ...

Mary: I want to have dinner with Sam.

Tom: I want to have dinner with Sam, too. It's true that it's not clear whether Tom wants to have dinner just with Sam, or with both Sam and Mary. If Mary and Tom are a married couple who go everywhere together, then it's understood that they will go together. If Mary and Tom are just friends, then they will have to say some more to clarify this. eg

Mary: Great, let's all have dinner together.

or Tom might just say, at the start: I want to have dinner with both of you.

I hope I have answered your question?

Clive

Khoff · Answer

WARNING: do not read this post if you are irritated by over-analysis!

Clive - I was writing this while you were posting, so I hadn't yet read your post.

Peter - this is an interesting question. I would agree with your discomfort if the conversation was "I'd like to have dinner with you." "Me, too." It would sound as if you, too, wanted to have dinner with yourself. But "I'd like to have dinner with you." "I'd like to have dinner with you, too" doesn't bother me. Suppose someone said "I love you." "I love you, too" would be the normal, expected response. I guess we can just say that "too" works for reciprocal situations (I love you/I love you too) as well as identical situations (I love cheese/I love cheese too).

Another interpretation is that the response is just being presented as an additional statement, not an equivalency. So I'd like to have dinner with you, too" does not mean "I, too, would like to have dinner with you" but rather, "You want to have dinner with me? That's good, because I want to have dinner with you as well." It's as if A says "Let's go to the grocery store" and B says "I'd like to stop at the bank too." It's just an additional suggestion.

Yet another way of looking at it: when you hear "I'd like to have dinner with you" you respond to the intention (I'd like to have dinner together) rather than the literal meaning. So, you say "I'd like to have dinner with you (meaning "I'd like for us to have dinner together") too". Of course, if you take this approach, "Me, too" is also an appropriate response.

CalifJim · Answer

khoff,
Thanks for the warning, but I couldn't resist and continued reading anyway!
I agree with the idea of responding to the intention.

CJ

Diamondrg · Answer

would you please tell us what would you say in this situation:

Mary: I'd like to have dinner with you.

John: ----.

without needing to explain anything. native help please.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Much depends on the relationship between the two people.

Mary: I'd like to have dinner with you.

John: Great. How about tonight?

(In Western culture, it's usually the man rather than the woman who issues such an invitation.)

Best wishes, Clive

Pieanne · Answer

Or: "I would be very happy to"/"So would I"

But "Great!" is indeed the answer anyone would like to hear

MrPedantic · Answer

I think it would be more polite to express a little surprise first. Maybe:

MissP:

MrQ, I'd love to have dinner with you.

MrQ:

Oh! Would you?

MissP <drawing closer>:

I've been crazy about you ever since I saw your thread about subject pronouns in the later poetry of Thomas Hoccleve.

MrQ <gulps>:

Well, MissP, I'd, um...well, I'd quite like to have dinner with you too.

MissP:

Really, MrQ?

MrQ:

Absolutely, Miss, um, MissP.

MissP <drawing still closer>:

MrQ, your glasses are misting over.

MrQ<tugs at collar>:

Yes, well...ahem...It seems quite hot in here...

MissP :

You know what, MrQ?

MrQ <voice high>:

No...What, MissP?

MissP:

I feel...quite hot...too...

MrQ:

MissP:

In fact...suddenly...I don't feel quite so hungry after all...What if...instead...we...

MrQ:

Oh, MissP!

Klavier · Answer

I think BBC comedy is missing a good scriptwriter MrP. Come on, give it a chance, <img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

Anonymous · Answer

0The problem here is not the context in which you use the word "too". The REAL problem is the gross missuse of the words to, too, and two.02br
02br
00I know you're going to say, "Crazy Cowboy, anyone with a middle school education should understand the difference."02br
02br
00Unfortunately, this is not the case. TO many times I see people write sentences that begin with: TOO many times I see people write sentences... you get the picture.02br
02br
00People often use TOO as a quantity and think it's proper English.. ex: I watched entirely TOO much TV today. This is a very common mistake, and it shows ignorance of common everyday English.02br
02br
00How do these people get jobs?!02br
02br
00-Crazy Cowboy0-

BarbaraPA · Answer

0Ummmm... Crazy Cowboy, I'm confused. 02br
02br
00Are you suggesting that "To many times" and "I watch to much TV" are the correct versions? That's how your post reads.02br
02br
00(And by the way, did you notice that the last post to this thread was in 2005? Perhaps you could make contributions to threads that have seen more recent activity.)0-

Proper use of "too"

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