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BW2/3 Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

proofreading#26

The is a great symbol of . Through out thousand years, it brings joy and sorrow. There was a time the great emperor wanted to prevent the great flooding. The flooding drowned over a million people. People felt fear about this river. They were very superstitious. They prayed the dragon god to stop another flooding. The river is over 3,400 miles long. Over hundred and forty million people depend on the river. The farmers build irrigation from the river for their rice field and orchard. In the west, there are Mongolians. They live there for centuries. The nomads had to cross the rivers to do their trading. There was no bridge before Cultural Revolution.

Further down the west, the river was polluted as the economy was booming. In a few years, there were hundred factories. When there was no regulation, the factories threw their chemical into the river.
  

Top answer

02br 02br 02br 00You should really avoid that kind of paratactical writing style. 02br 02br 02br 00Here is an example:02br 02br 00The flooding drowned over a million people. 02br 02br 02br 02br 00The Yellow River is a great symbol of China.

  • 02br 02br 02br 00You should really avoid that kind of paratactical writing style.
  • 02br 02br 02br 00Here is an example:02br 02br 00The flooding drowned over a million people.
  • 02br 02br 02br 02br 00The Yellow River is a great symbol of China.
  • 01i 00Throughout 02i 00thousand years, it brings joy and sorrow.
  • )02i 00 wanted to prevent the great flooding 01i 00which 02i 00drowned over a million people.
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2 Answers
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0Firstly, I'm not a native speaker and might be incorrect sometimes.02br
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00You should really avoid that kind of paratactical writing style. You write sentence after sentence without any subjunctions, instead try to link the sentences with words like "therefore", "because", "but", "yet", "nevertheless" or "even though".02br
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0I agree. 02br
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00After I read my writing a couple times, it didn't sound good. It didn't go smoothly sentence after sentence. 02br
02br
00Thank you. 0-

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