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Vlad Linko Posted 10 years ago
Letter Writing
Proofreading of an IELTS academic writing text
Dear forum, I could use some help in proofreading my text. This is a task from "Official Ielts practise materials". Now I am not really sure if my general structure is any good, but more importantly I would like to know how many points would I potentially get.
Task:
*In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people
*What do you think may be the reasons for tihs?
*What problems might this cause in society
It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people. Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve.
It is imposible to give a certain answer as to why this has happened, but the one that is the most obvious is the fact that families are becoming more spread out and children often keep little to no contact with their parents after they reach the legal age. So when the child`s parents do grow old, they are usualy left to themselves and are rarely visited by them.
The other reason for this is the increase of the number of people, who are over 60 years old. Though it might seem natural for us to see that the average life expectancy in the Western societies is more than 70 years, it was not always the case in our history. For much of the existance of the humans, the life expectancy has been hovering around 30 years and the elderly were considered to be the lucky few, who were capable of survivng all the disasters and calamities. So many sought their wisdom and respected them at least for that.
But today more and more people live long enough to see their own gray hairs and the general aging of the population is becoming a serious problem in the developed world. As the birth rates plummet and the proportion of the elderly grows, we might find orselves in a difficult sittuation, where those, who are still capable of working will have to support entire hords of family members.
Task:
*In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people
*What do you think may be the reasons for tihs?
*What problems might this cause in society
It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people. Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve.
It is imposible to give a certain answer as to why this has happened, but the one that is the most obvious is the fact that families are becoming more spread out and children often keep little to no contact with their parents after they reach the legal age. So when the child`s parents do grow old, they are usualy left to themselves and are rarely visited by them.
The other reason for this is the increase of the number of people, who are over 60 years old. Though it might seem natural for us to see that the average life expectancy in the Western societies is more than 70 years, it was not always the case in our history. For much of the existance of the humans, the life expectancy has been hovering around 30 years and the elderly were considered to be the lucky few, who were capable of survivng all the disasters and calamities. So many sought their wisdom and respected them at least for that.
But today more and more people live long enough to see their own gray hairs and the general aging of the population is becoming a serious problem in the developed world. As the birth rates plummet and the proportion of the elderly grows, we might find orselves in a difficult sittuation, where those, who are still capable of working will have to support entire hords of family members.
Top answer
I have highlighted some mistakes. It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people. Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve.
- I have highlighted some mistakes.
- It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people.
- Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve.
- (fragment) It is imposible to give a certain answer as to why this has happened, but the one that is the most obvious is the fact that families are becoming more spread out and children often keep little to no contact with their parents after they reach the legal age.
- So when the child`s parents do grow old, they are usualy left to themselves and are rarely visited by them.
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1 Answers
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I have highlighted some mistakes.
It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people. Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve. (fragment)
It is imposible to give a certain answer as to why this has happened, but the one that
It is considered a custom in most of the modern societies to take care of the older people. Although nowadays we can see that the elderly are rarely given the respect and care that they deserve. (fragment)
It is imposible to give a certain answer as to why this has happened, but the one that
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