0
Changeling Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
proofreading needed
Hi everybody!
Could you, please, check my sentences. I’m writing the article for English version of a Russian health website. I want to make sure my English sounds like English
)
There is something really incredible about how celebrity moms are able to look as if nothing happened just a few months after the childbirth. “Some people have all the luck!” - unlucky mothers groan looking through the tabloids.
Thanks in advance
Could you, please, check my sentences. I’m writing the article for English version of a Russian health website. I want to make sure my English sounds like English
)There is something really incredible about how celebrity moms are able to look as if nothing happened just a few months after the childbirth. “Some people have all the luck!” - unlucky mothers groan looking through the tabloids.
Thanks in advance
Top answer
Hello: Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as: "How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth? '" I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for the most lightweight articles: if you can get rid of a string of words in a sentence and not lose any meaning, you should always cut, cut, cut. I eliminated the juxtaposition of "luck" and "unlucky" and replaced "looking" with "flipping" for some variety in the last sentence (because "look" is also in the previous sentence).
- Hello: Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as: "How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth?
- '" I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for the most lightweight articles: if you can get rid of a string of words in a sentence and not lose any meaning, you should always cut, cut, cut.
- I eliminated the juxtaposition of "luck" and "unlucky" and replaced "looking" with "flipping" for some variety in the last sentence (because "look" is also in the previous sentence).
- Good luck!
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
1 Answers
0
Hello:
Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as:
"How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth? Flipping through the tabloids, mothers who aren't famous groan, 'Some women have all the luck!'"
I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for t
Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as:
"How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth? Flipping through the tabloids, mothers who aren't famous groan, 'Some women have all the luck!'"
I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for t
0
Related Questions