Proofreading a Motivation Letter

Question

Dear all,I prepared a motivation letter for a PhD position in Catholic University. Can some one proofread it please? This would be highly appreciated.Thank you,Tareq Mokbel

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sure, I'll give it a go.

Tareq mokbel · Answer

Thank you Anonymous, here it is.

Dear Doctor X,
I am writing to apply for the PhD candidate position that you announced for in Y University website.
The use of mathematical modeling and simulation are of my best approaches which developed in me because of my passion for math that grew in me since I was in school because of the time and efforts I spent studying. That developed my analytical mind and instilled in me the desire to explore. Moreover, I am fascinated with the human body. Biomedical engineering was the right major for me because it incorporated my two passions; mathematics and biology.

I was constantly placed among top 5 students. Moreover, when I was not placed the first student, my peers and educators would look at me as the first one always.

Being in laboratories, doing small projects and the visits to the health centers and asking questions made me keen to try to understand more how to develop new techniques and being in research which I am fond of. Doing my thesis, I learned how to approach the research by visiting health centers, using the NI Multisim to try to simulate the thesis and looking in references. Studying the interaction of the light and biological tissues in my thesis prepared me more for your research.Having the internships taught me how to deal with the equipment. Engineers had asked me if I had a previous experience before I came to them because of my fast grasp of the idea. I worked with the ultrasound machine and got an idea how it operates as well as different imaging modalities.

Being on the 70^th percentile among examiners who took the GRE in the verbal section after taking it in three months after my first arrival to a native English speaking country shows how I can reach my goals in reasonable time.

Being a member of the biomedical engineering society helps me keep up to date with the biomedical world which is necessary for any one doing research.

Being independent since an early age with the desire to excel in new cultures and with new people put me against new challenges constantly and that provided me with the strength, the endurance and the will to succeed. That developed my interpersonal skills to overcome conflicts. I went to study in a specific city because it had my major rather than its outdoor life. There I proved that I care about knowledge first and then the place.

Being in PhD requires the candidate to have a strong attitude and sincerity in job which I demonstrate in my job in the international programs at Children’s hospital by like to sound more like a doctor. That also developed my interpersonal skills and knowledge.

Living in different countries enriched my background and made me comfortable making relations with people from almost all backgrounds. This will add diversity to your program.

I learned how to be a leader and a team player in my thesis and in my personal life by sharing others, helping, listening and being sentimental. This motivates me more to go for the PhD position so I be more prepared to help others and develop techniques for the good of mankind. I care about things to be set right. This is an important trait for someone being in the health industry.

Many of my friends advise me to go to a PhD program because they are certain I will succeed.
The sports I do make me believe the healthy life is the best life. This encourages me more to excel in this field; to provide the best quality of life for people.

I had to develop time management skills because of the many activities I do like the research, sports, taking care of my home, tutoring other students. And that also developed a personality in me that cares about success, sense of responsibility, caring about others and learning more.

I saw most of the graduates in your university go to research which is appealing to me. Moreover a high percent of them found jobs to pursue their dreams.

The diversity of the research areas of the faculty attracted me to the program. Because it is essential for me to be in an environment where many research areas are covered, because biomedical engineering is an interdisciplinary field. The presence of the circulatory dynamics and biomaterials areas would help in our research because of their relevance.
The diversity of the backgrounds and cultures of the professors also attracted me because I like diversity, it is how I grew up and it promotes more fruitful results.

The connections to the FDA, Washington Hospital Center and others would broad my experience. Moreover the funding you have for the projects is essential for me to get the practical experience.

I would like to be in the Washington D.C. area because it has diverse backgrounds and a rich history. It is the home for rich resources for learning too through its museums and libraries like the Congress library.

What some friends advised me to do is to go to a grad school as soon as I came to the US. Taking that decision was not an easy one for me. That is why I preferred to wait for some time; nevertheless, I want to use my time efficiently to improve my theoretical and practical skills because time is priceless. When I read about your research, it matched my interests. Now I am hoping to get the opportunity to satisfy my desire by joining it. I have always heard about the education in the US and it is my chance now. Obviously being in your unique program will help me a lot in this. I am hopeful to flourish in our research and develop the methods we aim for.

At the end, I would like to explain my situation more by mentioning that I am still a recent graduate and being in those places I did the best I could to get the best experiences. Now being in your unique program will open many doors for me and will give me the opportunity to show who I am. I am going to contact with you the week of to follow up with you and answer any questions you might have.

Sincerely,

Tareq Mokbel

Proofreading a Motivation Letter

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