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Nekosama Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Proofreading?
HI, teachers, please help me correct my article if there are any mistakes, thanks!
It has been said that computers do not help children to learn more effectively, on the contrary, their usage has a negative effect on both the physical and mental development of young people. While the first reaction of some people may be to disagree with this statement, there are compelling reasons to explore the issue more in depth.
From my point of view, there are following three reasons to agree with this statement.
The first reason for my agreement has to do with health problems.
According to the latest report, the overuse of computers is believed the most important factor contributes to the increasingly sedentary lifestyle. Approximately 80% of the children under 16; is reluctant to get physical exercise, and donates the majority of their spare time to use computers. Doctors and nutritionists have found that the rise in sedentary is closely related to the increasingly levels of obesity among children, and also increase the chances of them contracting diabetes besides shortsightedness.
The second reason is that the Internet has a negative effect on children’s behavior and minds.
There are a variety of violent and sexual scenes on the internet. Some violent scenes mask violence behind love and romance which may mislead children who are immature enough to tell right from wrong.
For example, there was a report of several 13-year-old students who were arrested of drug trafficking last month. Afterward, they admitted that they just wanted to imitate the scenes they saw on the internet; but the consequence was far beyond their imagination.
The final reason is related to cyber safety. Nowadays, with the rapid development of social networking sites, more and more children are regarding making cyber friends on the internet as a fashion trend. In fact, it is so dangerous for children to reveal their personal information to strangers on the Internet.
What’s more, it is no an exaggeration to say that making friends on the Internet is a risk. For instance, it was report that about 10,000 teenagers were killed by their cyber friends in 2015 only, and there are countless fraud cases and robbery happened among cyber friends.
Of course, there may be some people who disagree with my opinion on this issue. They may say that we should not overlook the advantages of computers, without computers, our society would stop functioning. Nevertheless, for the reasons and examples I have presented above, I think the disadvantages of computers are qualitatively greater than the advantages.
It has been said that computers do not help children to learn more effectively, on the contrary, their usage has a negative effect on both the physical and mental development of young people. While the first reaction of some people may be to disagree with this statement, there are compelling reasons to explore the issue more in depth.
From my point of view, there are following three reasons to agree with this statement.
The first reason for my agreement has to do with health problems.
According to the latest report, the overuse of computers is believed the most important factor contributes to the increasingly sedentary lifestyle. Approximately 80% of the children under 16; is reluctant to get physical exercise, and donates the majority of their spare time to use computers. Doctors and nutritionists have found that the rise in sedentary is closely related to the increasingly levels of obesity among children, and also increase the chances of them contracting diabetes besides shortsightedness.
The second reason is that the Internet has a negative effect on children’s behavior and minds.
There are a variety of violent and sexual scenes on the internet. Some violent scenes mask violence behind love and romance which may mislead children who are immature enough to tell right from wrong.
For example, there was a report of several 13-year-old students who were arrested of drug trafficking last month. Afterward, they admitted that they just wanted to imitate the scenes they saw on the internet; but the consequence was far beyond their imagination.
The final reason is related to cyber safety. Nowadays, with the rapid development of social networking sites, more and more children are regarding making cyber friends on the internet as a fashion trend. In fact, it is so dangerous for children to reveal their personal information to strangers on the Internet.
What’s more, it is no an exaggeration to say that making friends on the Internet is a risk. For instance, it was report that about 10,000 teenagers were killed by their cyber friends in 2015 only, and there are countless fraud cases and robbery happened among cyber friends.
Of course, there may be some people who disagree with my opinion on this issue. They may say that we should not overlook the advantages of computers, without computers, our society would stop functioning. Nevertheless, for the reasons and examples I have presented above, I think the disadvantages of computers are qualitatively greater than the advantages.
Top answer
"more effectively . On the contrary" This is a run-on sentence, so break it into separate sentences. You actually might not want to use "on the contrary" because that implies that you are arguing against your first sentence.
- "more effectively .
- On the contrary" This is a run-on sentence, so break it into separate sentences.
- You actually might not want to use "on the contrary" because that implies that you are arguing against your first sentence.
- Since you spoke negatively about computers in the first sentence, you shouldn't use "contrary" unless you are directly opposing that by saying something positive about computers.
- Instead try "In fact," "there are the three following reasons" this is done because you always use the counter (three) to tell us how many reasons there are before telling us what kind of reasons they are (following).
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2 Answers
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"more effectively. On the contrary" This is a run-on sentence, so break it into separate sentences. You actually might not want to use "on the contrary" because that implies that you are arguing against your first sentence. Since you spoke negatively about computers in the first sentence, you shouldn't use "contrary" unless you are directly opposing that by saying something positive about c
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It has been said that computers do not help children to learn more effectively, on the contrary, and even that their usage has a negative effect on both the physical and mental development of young people. While the first reaction of some people may be to disagree with this statement, there are compelling reasons to explore the issue in more in depth.
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