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Nekosama Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Proofreading?

Hi Teachers,
Please help correct my article if there are any mistakes.

=

According to a recent survey that more and more students are reluctant to walk to school, the major reason is getting up too late in the morning, some of them said that they study or play video games late at night which leads to a lack of sleep.

From my perspective, I do believe that walking to school is of great benefit to students. On one hand, walking is a kind of exercise; we can remain healthy and keep fit by doing exercise. On the other hand, with the development of economy, the number of vehicle has increased sharply which causes a lot of serious problems, such as traffic accidents and air pollution. Going to school by feet may reduce waste gas emission.

In short, walking to school does us a lot of good, we should walk to school from today on.
  

Top answer

etc. or A recent survey found that ... etc.

  • etc.
  • or A recent survey found that ...
  • etc.
  • " nekosama students are reluctant to walk to school, the major reason is This is a comma splice.
  • You can either use a conjunction after the comma or change the comma to a full stop and start a new sentence.
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2 Answers
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Note:
1- You don't use "that" with "according to."
Say:

According to a recent survey, ...etc.
or
A recent survey found that ... etc.


2- Instead of the informal "more and more students", use "an increasing number of students."
nekosamastudents are reluctant to walk to school, the
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Thank you always for your swift response! Emotion: smile

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