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Mapcrepair Posted 14 years ago
Letter Writing
PROOFREAD PLEASE!!!
Im writing a letter to the financial aid appeal committee to reconsider me for a grant or loan. I know my spelling is correct but my main problem is grammar and structure. I greatly appreciate any help. THANKS!
03/30/2012
A******** M**** S*****
4*** Palm Bay Circle
West Palm Beach, FL 33406
Santa Fé Community College
Attn: Financial Aid Committee
3000 NW 83rd Street
Gainesville, FL 32606
Dear Financial Aid Appeal Committee,
I sincerely appreciate the generous financial aid award I received from your organization this year, but I still cannot pursue the sociology program at Santa Fé Community College due to a below average GPA. Please take some time to read this appeal and allow me to explain my situation.
I received my high school diploma in 2005 at the age of 17, and I didn't start college until January of 2007. With little to no financial support from either parent, I struggled for those few years leading up to college. I ambitiously searched for a job everywhere I could, but never had any success. All I could do for the time being was save up what little money I came across here and there. I helped out my father at his store, I sold personal belongings on eBay, I mowed the neighbors lawns, washed their cars, whatever I could do to make a buck, and I stuffed it away for almost 2 years until I finally had enough for my first semester of college.
After saving just over $1000 dollars, I took the cash directly to Palm Beach Community College with all the proper documents, spoke to a counselor, chose my classes (Computer Programming), and paid for everything up front.
As soon as I began, I had a difficult time understanding the concepts presented to me by my professors. I noticed that the majority of my classmates had a lot of knowledge on the subjects prior to beginning the courses, and they were solely there to gain credentials.
My grades began to drop as I struggled to understand the concepts that the teachers were explaining to the class. I ultimately failed one class, and barely passed with D's in other two, resulting in a lower than average GPA for that semester. After the academic torture I had just ensued, I was sick and traumatized of computer programming for good and decided to hold out on school until I could once again afford it, but next time pursue a completely different course.
Now, at age 24, I am completely independent and eligible for federal financial aid. I've had plenty of time to decide exactly what I want to do with my future, rather than deciding in a single day as I did the first time. After years of doing independent research and speaking with counselors, I firmly believe I will succeed in an AA degree majoring in sociology at Santa Fe College.
My passion to socially make a change for the better began to grow during my teenage years, and growing up in low income areas through my entire childhood helped teach me how important it is to help and assist your neighbors and community, to always "work with what you got". At around the age of 13 in my hometown of West Palm Beach, FL, my Mom and I lived just across the bridge to Palm Beach island. Palm Beach island is where some of the wealthiest people in the world reside for, usually, just a brief period of time throughout the year. My mother and I would drive around the island to stare in awe at all the enormous, architecturally beautiful estates. I began to notice how many poor there were in comparison to how little rich there were, and how significantly different the conditions each community were given to live in. I quickly learned the contrast between the upper and lower class. The majority of the people were poor, sick, and struggling, and the select few rich weren't doing anything to help. It didn't seem fair to me, or anyone else around me for that matter. It was around this period in my life I became extremely passionate in the practice of humanism, and my ambition only grows stronger with each day gone.
Sooner or later, I hope to be financially stable enough to independently afford college expenses, but times are tougher than ever before. I would like to take this moment to kindly ask your organization to reconsider my eligibility for financial aid awards, allowing me the opportunity to begin building my future in the field of social science. Thank you for taking the time to allow me to explain my financial circumstances. I'm eager to hear your response.
Sincerely,
X______________________________________________ Date:___________________
A******** M**** S*****
SFCC ID#: 2900-****
03/30/2012
A******** M**** S*****
4*** Palm Bay Circle
West Palm Beach, FL 33406
Santa Fé Community College
Attn: Financial Aid Committee
3000 NW 83rd Street
Gainesville, FL 32606
Dear Financial Aid Appeal Committee,
I sincerely appreciate the generous financial aid award I received from your organization this year, but I still cannot pursue the sociology program at Santa Fé Community College due to a below average GPA. Please take some time to read this appeal and allow me to explain my situation.
I received my high school diploma in 2005 at the age of 17, and I didn't start college until January of 2007. With little to no financial support from either parent, I struggled for those few years leading up to college. I ambitiously searched for a job everywhere I could, but never had any success. All I could do for the time being was save up what little money I came across here and there. I helped out my father at his store, I sold personal belongings on eBay, I mowed the neighbors lawns, washed their cars, whatever I could do to make a buck, and I stuffed it away for almost 2 years until I finally had enough for my first semester of college.
After saving just over $1000 dollars, I took the cash directly to Palm Beach Community College with all the proper documents, spoke to a counselor, chose my classes (Computer Programming), and paid for everything up front.
As soon as I began, I had a difficult time understanding the concepts presented to me by my professors. I noticed that the majority of my classmates had a lot of knowledge on the subjects prior to beginning the courses, and they were solely there to gain credentials.
My grades began to drop as I struggled to understand the concepts that the teachers were explaining to the class. I ultimately failed one class, and barely passed with D's in other two, resulting in a lower than average GPA for that semester. After the academic torture I had just ensued, I was sick and traumatized of computer programming for good and decided to hold out on school until I could once again afford it, but next time pursue a completely different course.
Now, at age 24, I am completely independent and eligible for federal financial aid. I've had plenty of time to decide exactly what I want to do with my future, rather than deciding in a single day as I did the first time. After years of doing independent research and speaking with counselors, I firmly believe I will succeed in an AA degree majoring in sociology at Santa Fe College.
My passion to socially make a change for the better began to grow during my teenage years, and growing up in low income areas through my entire childhood helped teach me how important it is to help and assist your neighbors and community, to always "work with what you got". At around the age of 13 in my hometown of West Palm Beach, FL, my Mom and I lived just across the bridge to Palm Beach island. Palm Beach island is where some of the wealthiest people in the world reside for, usually, just a brief period of time throughout the year. My mother and I would drive around the island to stare in awe at all the enormous, architecturally beautiful estates. I began to notice how many poor there were in comparison to how little rich there were, and how significantly different the conditions each community were given to live in. I quickly learned the contrast between the upper and lower class. The majority of the people were poor, sick, and struggling, and the select few rich weren't doing anything to help. It didn't seem fair to me, or anyone else around me for that matter. It was around this period in my life I became extremely passionate in the practice of humanism, and my ambition only grows stronger with each day gone.
Sooner or later, I hope to be financially stable enough to independently afford college expenses, but times are tougher than ever before. I would like to take this moment to kindly ask your organization to reconsider my eligibility for financial aid awards, allowing me the opportunity to begin building my future in the field of social science. Thank you for taking the time to allow me to explain my financial circumstances. I'm eager to hear your response.
Sincerely,
X______________________________________________ Date:___________________
A******** M**** S*****
SFCC ID#: 2900-****
Top answer
It looks fine to me, macrepair. Rover
- It looks fine to me, macrepair.
- Rover
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6 Answers
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Hi, sorry for question in question, but can you simplify for me this expression "with little to no" ? I don't get it.
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'...with hardly any financial support.'
'...with virtually no financial support.'
'...with virtually no financial support.'
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Hi,
This might be too late, but incase it isn`t here are my comments:
Firstly, it is a very well written letter and I very heartfelt, I really hope you were/will be successful.
1.) "I helped out my father" - This would sound more natural as "I helped my father out", but actually is a bit too informal (I think) for this letter and you should take away `out`.
2.)
This might be too late, but incase it isn`t here are my comments:
Firstly, it is a very well written letter and I very heartfelt, I really hope you were/will be successful.
1.) "I helped out my father" - This would sound more natural as "I helped my father out", but actually is a bit too informal (I think) for this letter and you should take away `out`.
2.)
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O and `stuffed it away` isn`t quite right, I missed that sorry. Try "saved it away" or similar.
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