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Please proofread my essay. Thank you very much.Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?The urban lifestyle is significantly different compared to that of in rural areas. Some people prefer to live in apartments in city centres while others like to settle in house located in suburbs far away from the noises and inconveniences which come with living in Central Business District areas (or CBDs). This is argued that living in houses have some benefits by looking at how they provide a pleasant, spacious surroundings without worrying about noisy neighbours.Working people, especially dual-income households, choose houses to escape from the stresses and strains integrated with working in CBDs. Families with children are more likely inclined to the living conditions which come with houses. Townhouses or apartments are usually small, with two bedrooms, which can not provide enough space for children to play around. Take affluent countries like Australia, as an example. The Australian government regulates that skyscrapers should be constructed in CBDs and there are fairly more houses in suburbs which the price of a house with 4 king-size bedrooms in suburbs is equal to an apartment with two bedrooms in CBDs. As a result, people can afford a house and this reduces the traffic jams in city centres.Furthermore, inhabitants of apartments have less privacy than those settling in houses. If a next door neighbour is not approachable or does not comply with the code of conduct of living in apartments, households will face a lot of issues and discussions. For example, if one’s neighbour is noisy, holding parties every weekend, this will bring further upheaval to a family with a newborn baby who try to provide a cosy and comfortable place for their child.In conclusion, living in houses pose a lot of merits, offering larger bedrooms and more silent places for families with children than apartments. It is hoped the governments regulate more bonuses like tax-free houses to encourage people to move to suburbs leading having less congestion in CBDs.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Your essay has good points, but it frequently strays outside the scope of the given question. That would lose you valuable points in an exam, I'm afraid!
The scope of your essay is defined by the following keyword: house, apartment, advantages, disadvantages.

I've highlighted the off-topic parts, and I suggest that you try and fix those first before one of us proofreads it for grammatical and other errors.

The urban lifestyle is significantly different compared to that of in rural areas. Some people prefer to live in apartments in city centres while others like to settle in house located in suburbs far away from the noises and inconveniences which come with living in Central Business District areas (or CBDs). This is argued that living in houses have some benefits by looking at how they provide a pleasant, spacious surroundings without worrying about noisy neighbours.

Working people, especially dual-income households, choose houses to escape from the stresses and strains integrated with working in CBDs. Families with children are more likely inclined to the living conditions which come with houses. Townhouses or apartments are usually small, with two bedrooms, which can not provide enough space for children to play around. Take affluent countries like Australia, as an example. The Australian government regulates that skyscrapers should be constructed in CBDs and there are fairly more houses in suburbs which the price of a house with 4 king-size bedrooms in suburbs is equal to an apartment with two bedrooms in CBDs. As a result, people can afford a house and this reduces the traffic jams in city centres.

Furthermore, inhabitants of apartments have less privacy than those settling in houses. If a next door neighbour is not approachable or does not comply with the code of conduct of living in apartments, households will face a lot of issues and discussions. For example, if one’s neighbour is noisy, holding parties every weekend, this will bring further upheaval to a family with a newborn baby who try to provide a cosy and comfortable place for their child.

In conclusion, living in houses pose a lot of merits, offering larger bedrooms and more silent places for families with children than apartments. It is hoped the governments regulate more bonuses like tax-free houses to encourage people to move to suburbs leading having less congestion in CBDs.

Mohammad Ramezani · Answer

Thank you very much for your useful comments. I have revised the essay, up to my knowledge, according to your comments.

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

Apartment’s lifestyle is significantly different compared to that of in house with back yard. Some people prefer to live in an apartment, accompanied with living in a community, while others like to settle in a house, which brings more freedom and fun. This is argued that living in houses has some benefits by looking at how it provides a pleasant, spacious surroundings without worrying about noisy neighbours.

Some people, especially those working in busy and crowded areas, choose houses to escape from the stresses and strains integrated with their workplace surroundings. Families with children are more likely inclined to the living conditions which come with houses. Apartments are usually small, with two bedrooms, which can not provide enough space for children to play around. Houses generally have a back yard which parents can engage in gardening, helping them reduce their pressure. According to scientific studies, carried out recently in Australia, very young people who are involved more in physical activities show less aggressive behaviour compared to those who have sedentary lifestyle. Apartments can not provide enough facilities to children for physical exercises.

Furthermore, inhabitants of apartments have less privacy than those settling in houses. If a next door neighbour is not approachable or does not comply with the code of conduct of living in apartments, households will face a lot of issues and discussions. For example, if one’s neighbour is noisy, holding parties every weekend, this will bring further upheaval to a family with a newborn baby who try to provide a cosy and comfortable place for their child.

In conclusion, living in houses pose a lot of merits, offering larger bedrooms and more silent places for families with children than apartments. It is hoped the governments regulate more bonuses like tax-free houses to encourage people to purchase houses which also benefits the public health.

Teechr · Answer

~~Apartment’s lifestyle~~ Living in an apartment is significantly different compared to ~~that of~~ living in house. ~~with back yard.~~ Some people prefer to live in an apartment, ~~, accompanied wit~~h living in as part of a more compact community, while others ~~like to settle in~~ like to live in their own independent house. ~~, which brings more freedom and fun.~~ This ~~is argued~~ essay argues that living in a house has ~~some~~ more benefits by looking at how it provides a more pleasant, ~~spacious surroundings~~ larger and quieter living space. ~~without worrying about noisy neighbours.~~

Many people appreciate the extra living space that houses offer. For example, ~~Some~~ people, especially those working in busy and crowded areas, choose to live in houses to escape from the stresses and strains ~~integrated with~~ of their workplace environment. ~~surroundings.~~ Additionally, families with children are more likely ~~inclined to the~~ to prefer living in a house as ~~conditions which come with houses.~~ apartments are usually smaller and with fewer ~~two~~ bedrooms, which ~~can not provide~~ means there is not enough space for children to play. ~~around.~~ People who live in a house can also do gardening, ~~houses, generally have a back yard which parents can engage in gardening,~~ which helps ~~ing~~ them to relax and enjoy themselves, but those living in apartments do not have such an opportunity. ~~reduce their pressure.~~ According to scientific studies carried out recently in Australia, very young people who are involved more in physical activities show less aggressive behaviour compared to those who have sedentary lifestyle. In a nutshell, apartments can not provide enough space ~~facilities to~~ for adults or children ~~for~~ to do physical activities as much as houses do. ~~exercises.~~

Furthermore, living in an apartment is not as quiet as living in a house. Those living in apartments have more neighbours around, above and below them, and there are often only thin walls separating apartments, with no proper sound insulation. Thus, for example, if there is excessive noise from a loud party or a crying baby, the other residents suffer. This is especially the case if the person responsible for the noise is unapproachable and/or inconsiderate. This is less likely to be as great a problem with those living in houses, where the distance separating them from their neighbours is greater and the walls between them generally thicker. inhabitants of apartments have less privacy than those settling in houses. If a next door neighbour is not approachable or does not comply with the code of conduct of living in apartments, households will face a lot of issues and discussions. For example, if one’s neighbour is noisy, holding parties every weekend, this will bring further upheaval to a family with a newborn baby who try to provide a cosy and comfortable place for their child.

In conclusion, living in houses ~~pose~~ has a lot of merits, offering larger ~~bedrooms~~ living space with more scope for physical activity, and is ~~more~~ quieter ~~silent places for families with children~~ than living in apartments. ~~It is hoped the governments regulate more bonuses like tax-free houses to encourage people to purchase houses which also benefits the public health.~~

Mohammad Ramezani · Answer

Dear Teechr,

Thank you very much for your comments. It seems that I need a lot of practice to improve my writing

.

I have a couple of questions. I am wondering that when I like to make an example, is it required to make it very specific or not? For example, If I make an example referring it to a scientific research, which have done in a specific country or in a specific date, can increase my mark?

You write very fluent. In my third paragraph, you deleted all of them. Were they off topic? I know that your added texts are much more better than mine but I am wondering that if I need to keep that text, what would be my grammatical errors.

I need to get at least 7 out of 9 in IELTS. Would you please let me know about my possible mark out of this essay?

Thanks again for your valuable time and feedback,

Teechr · Answer

Mohammad RamezaniIt seems that I need a lot of practice to improve my writing.

Yes, more practice will definitely help you improve your writing skills.

Mohammad RamezaniI am wondering that when I like to make an example, is it required to make it very specific or not? For example, If I make an example referring it to a scientific research, which have done in a specific country or in a specific date, can increase my mark?

In an IELTS essay, you're not expected to provide very specific examples. However, you can use phrases such as the following:
"Recent studies show ..." or
"Research in this field indicates ..." , etc.
The reason I crossed out the text at the bottom of your first body paragraph is that it was straying off topic. Remember that the topic sentence of a paragraph delineates the scope of that paragraph. In your essay, the topic sentence of your first body paragraph tells us that the paragraph is about the benefits of "extra space" that houses provide. The text I crossed out claims that an active lifestyle reduces violent behaviour in young people compared to a sedentary one.

Mohammad RamezaniYou write very fluent. In my third paragraph, you deleted all of them. Were they off topic?

It wasn't written well. Also, privacy is a separate issue from noise.

Mohammad RamezaniI need to get at least 7 out of 9 in IELTS. Would you please let me know about my possible mark out of this essay?

I would say 6 to 6.5 for your revised version.

Mohammad Ramezani · Answer

Thank you very much for your reply.

Would you please advise me some useful websites or online resources which I can use to improve my writing? I would like to engage myself everyday with some well-written essays or journals to improve my writing and will appreciate if you introduce some useful websites. Thanks

Teechr · Answer

I'm afraid not. However, I would strongly recommend that you continue with your writing practice. I would also recommend that in future you post your plan for the essay you want to write before you actually write the essay. Planning and structuring your essay is very important.

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