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It was a monthly meeting. A doctor and a nurse stood in the middle of the crowded of the mental patients. The docotor gave a long speech that some patients were in good progress. Then he mentioned a new patient. He was reading a new patient's profile and he seemed interested it. When he called out the new patient's name, the new patient quickly replied back. Every meeting was the same. It filled up with all kind of the discussions that the patients did in the ward. The nurse with the big-red lips interrupted the doctor, telling him to finish up his spiel. The nurse asked each patient to tell a secret. After twenty minutes, no patient volunterred first. She pulled out the log book and called the first patient in her eyes. The log book recorded the patients's secrets. Immeaditely the first patient confessed his secret. Another did the same, so did the rest.

Thank you for correcting it !

Rotter · Accepted Answer

A doctor and a nurse stood in the middle of the crowded of the mental patients.

I would rephrase the above.

A doctor and a nurse stood in the middle of the crowd of some mental patients.

Davkett · Answer

How does this sound? You'll notice my change of tense (because you are writing about a scene that always happens the same way each time).

It was the monthly meeting. A doctor and a nurse would stand in the middle of a group of mental patients. The doctor would always speak first about the progress of some of the patients. Then, he would mention a new patient and read, with seeming interest, from the patient's profile. He would call out the name of the new patient, and the patient would reply. Every meeting was like this. These meetings would be filled with all kinds of discussions about what the patients in the ward were doing. The nurse with the big, red lips would interrupt the doctor, telling him to wrap up his spiel, then she would ask each patient to reveal a secret. It would usually take twenty minutes for someone to volunteer. She would pull out the log book, call the first person she'd happen to see, and record the patient's secret. Once the first person confessed, the rest would immediately follow, one by one.

Believer · Answer

This is my version:

It was a monthly meeting as I can recall. A doctor and a nurse stood in the middle of the room crowded with mental patients. The doctor gave a long speech which/that basically said that some patients are having good progress. Then, he mentioned of a new patient and began reading the new patient's profile, and he seemed to be interested in what is in the profile. When he called out the new patient's name, the new patient quickly answered back. Every meeting was the same; it was filled with stories of what the patients did in the ward. A nurse with big red lips interrupted the doctor, telling him to finish his speech (I am not sure what he did.) soon. After that, the nurse asked each patient to tell a secret. Having no volunteers for twenty minutes, she pulled out a log book and called out the first patient's name she came across. The log book had the notes on the patients' secrets. Immediately, the first patient called told the secret and another patient did the same until all the patients have told secrets.

Again, I welcome all inputs on mine.

Nona the brit · Answer

I'd re-phrase 'mental patients' if I were you. You are saying that the patients are mental, not that they are patients in a mental health hospital/ward. You don't describe people as 'mental' unless you are name-calling in a playground!

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