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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Pronoun and subject

Is it clear that the 'he' refers to Sarth, the elf? Geran was surprised that Sarth was helping him gain his freedom, but then learned that the elf felt guilty about being the one who had originally informed Darsi about the Infiernadex, and he wished to make amends by helping thwart Sergen’s plans.
  

Top answer

No. If I were you, I'd split this into two sentences.

— Clive

  • No.
  • If I were you, I'd split this into two sentences.
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6 Answers
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No.
If I were you, I'd split this into two sentences.
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Thanks. Would this revision work? Geran was surprised that Sarth was helping him gain his freedom, but then learned that the elf felt guilty about being the one who had originally informed Darsi about the Infiernadex and wished to make amends by helping thwart Sergen’s plans.
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Who wished to make amends? Geran or the elf?
It's not totally clear to me.

Will all th people who read your story have very good English?
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The elf wished to make amends. And yes my readers do.
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I suggest this.

Geran was surprised that Sarth was helping him gain his freedom, but then learned that the elf felt guilty about being the one who had originally informed Darsi about the Infiernadex and that he wished to make amends by helping thwart Sergen’s plans
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That's perfect, thanks for all your advice.
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