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Anonymous Posted 12 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Problem with Tenses
Hello, everyone. I'm currently in the process of trying to write a story as a hobby but since I'm not very good at English, I decided to ask for help at a forum. This is my first time asking for help regarding English grammar so I'm kind of uhh... nervous? But well, anyway while I was in the process of writing I decided to check my story for any errors. However, there are some parts that I don't know if they're errors or not. I've searched around but I didn't find any answer. I also apologize if this is the wrong section to write this on.
This is kind of the "introduction" for the story.
"Welcome to the world of Fantasia. For the past few years, it has been peaceful. However, one day, everything fell apart.
Oddly, however, one day, it once again flourished with happiness.
What caused the destruction, though? The answer lies deep within the hearts of the people of Fantasia. Come, I will guide you to the path leading to the answer."
I'm not sure if there's any error here. But something about it feels kind of off? Or maybe it's just me? Anyway, here is the part that bothers me.
"People, well, counting the different creatures of races with them pushed each other. If someone fell down on the ground, then someone would help that person. After all, this was Fantasia, a world of happiness. Everyone was happy."
The part saying "After all, this was Fantasia" bothers me for some reason. I think it's because it looks as if Fantasia is already "gone" and it was referring to the Fantasia as it was in the past, still not destroyed. However, it also seems as if it's referring to the happy Fantasia in the past. In the introduction, it says that Fantasia was thrown into a world of chaos but then it again became a world of happiness. So it would seem that Fantasia was happy back then (the time of the story) and is now in the present, a "sad" world. At first, it was "After all, this is Fantasia, a world of happiness. Everyone is happy" but I feel that it would shift tenses.
I don't quite get what shifting tenses mean if it refers to just shifting tenses in a sentence or a paragraph or something. Anyway, I'm trying to say that Fantasia was at first happy, just like now but I don't know how to do that as the story uses a past tense (on the third person). I don't know if you get my point but umm, if you don't then I would like to know if the part of the stories above are correct gramatically. Anyway, I'm really sorry but I don't know how to explain what I feel.
This is kind of the "introduction" for the story.
"Welcome to the world of Fantasia. For the past few years, it has been peaceful. However, one day, everything fell apart.
Oddly, however, one day, it once again flourished with happiness.
What caused the destruction, though? The answer lies deep within the hearts of the people of Fantasia. Come, I will guide you to the path leading to the answer."
I'm not sure if there's any error here. But something about it feels kind of off? Or maybe it's just me? Anyway, here is the part that bothers me.
"People, well, counting the different creatures of races with them pushed each other. If someone fell down on the ground, then someone would help that person. After all, this was Fantasia, a world of happiness. Everyone was happy."
The part saying "After all, this was Fantasia" bothers me for some reason. I think it's because it looks as if Fantasia is already "gone" and it was referring to the Fantasia as it was in the past, still not destroyed. However, it also seems as if it's referring to the happy Fantasia in the past. In the introduction, it says that Fantasia was thrown into a world of chaos but then it again became a world of happiness. So it would seem that Fantasia was happy back then (the time of the story) and is now in the present, a "sad" world. At first, it was "After all, this is Fantasia, a world of happiness. Everyone is happy" but I feel that it would shift tenses.
I don't quite get what shifting tenses mean if it refers to just shifting tenses in a sentence or a paragraph or something. Anyway, I'm trying to say that Fantasia was at first happy, just like now but I don't know how to do that as the story uses a past tense (on the third person). I don't know if you get my point but umm, if you don't then I would like to know if the part of the stories above are correct gramatically. Anyway, I'm really sorry but I don't know how to explain what I feel.
Top answer
First of all, I would put this in a clear, logical order. Right now it is roughly in time order but you don't show how those times are linked. For example, I might write the opening this way: Welcome to the world of Fantasia.
- First of all, I would put this in a clear, logical order.
- Right now it is roughly in time order but you don't show how those times are linked.
- For example, I might write the opening this way: Welcome to the world of Fantasia.
- For the past few many years, it was has been peaceful.
- However, one day everything fell apart.
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1 Answers
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First of all, I would put this in a clear, logical order. Right now it is roughly in time order but you don't show how those times are linked. For example, I might write the opening this way:
Welcome to the world of Fantasia. Forthe past few many years, it was has been peaceful. However, one day everything fell apart. Oddly, however
Welcome to the world of Fantasia. For
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