Presentation intro

Question

Hi! I'm doing a presentation. I would like to know if my sentence is right."In my artwork, you can see Bob's ex-student reading the letter sent by Bob."

CalifJim · Accepted Answer

Your sentence has correct grammar, but you could improve it. It suffers from being vague. It could be much more specific.

What kind of artwork is it? A line drawing? A painting? A sculpture? A collage? A screen print? Tell us what it is.

If Bob was the teacher, it seems odd to mention him by his first name. Usually teachers are named as Mr. Jones or (in higher education) Professor Williams or something like that.

You mention the teacher by name, but not the student. What is the name of the student? Tell us that, too.

You use the passive voice at the end of the sentence, which is a weak structure, when you could be using the active voice, which is strong. So instead of the letter sent by Bob you can say the letter that Bob sent. That also avoids the repetition of Bob. But you can revise the sentence in a way that sidesteps this active-passive problem.

Here's another way you might write your sentence, supposing the ex-student is Paul and his teacher is Mr. McNulty:

My drawing shows Paul reading a letter from his former teacher Professor McNulty.

CJ

Presentation intro

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions