Prefer with gerund or infinitive

Question

I'm a bit confused about the use of prefer in this situationI prefer you....... ( to come, come or coming)?Will you please help me?

Cool Breeze · Accepted Answer

Your sentence doesn't work with you after prefer. I would say: I would rather you came. Both the infinitive and the gerund are correct after prefer: I prefer to walk/walking. One of them may sound better in a given context.

CB

Avangi · Answer

Hi, CB. Kindly give an old codger a little reinforcement on why we don't use the possessive pronoun in this case - I prefer your coming home with your mother. I prefer your walking on the inside, when you walk with me.

Best regards, - A.

Cool Breeze · Answer

This is another old codger's official reply:

It was morning and I was still half asleep when I wrote my post and deeply regret giving inaccurate information regarding correct usage. I simply overlooked the gerund offered as one of the options in the original poster's question. The infinitives - there were two of them - inexplicably attracted my attention, I assume, and messed up my precarious mind. I stand corrected and solemnly promise I will never ever make such a silly mistake again!

Here's to you for your vigilance: I'll have one myself as well.

CB

Avangi · Answer

Thanks, CB. I guess it's been a couple of weeks since we talked about the possessive with the gerund. I think you referenced an earlier post of yours which was pretty decent. I just spaced out and couldn't remember what the deal was.

I'm about to retire. The brew will soothe me to sleep.

- A.

Thomas Tompion · Answer

In British English we can say:

I prefer you to come by yourself would be fine, to make a general point about your present preferences - I prefer you to come would be odd. Most people would say, talking of the future, I'd prefer you to come or I'd rather you came.

I prefer your coming by yourself - would be very arch. I prefer your coming - would also be arch, to my ear.

In all these cases, I'm assuming we are saying that I'd prefer you to come rather than someone else. If you wanted to say that I'd prefer (i.e. looking at the future) you to come rather than stay at home, I think we'd say I'd rather you came with the stress on the came, or I'd prefer it if you came.

Avangi · Answer

Hi Thomas,
This subject continues to be a mixed bag. What is a poor student to do? People have strong feelings one way and the other, but nobody wants to call anything incorrect.

I take "I'd prefer" and "I'd rather" as more polite, but polite is not always what you mean to express.

Thomas Tompion · Answer

AvangiHi Thomas,
This subject continues to be a mixed bag. What is a poor student to do? People have strong feelings one way and the other, but nobody wants to call anything incorrect.

I take "I'd prefer" and "I'd rather" as more polite, but polite is not always what you mean to express.

Hello Avangi,

I was taking the question very literally: what do we say after I prefer if we are only talking about you coming? - not even your coming tomorrow, for the least adverbial phrase seems to make a difference.

Now the preference can either be for your coming rather than someone else, or for your coming rather than doing something else. I'm not sure that makes much difference to the words used, but it makes a huge difference to the intonation.

Also I was trying to concentrate on the expression of a present preference (I prefer) for present behaviour (which can be repeated, or habitual behaviour, of course), rather than a present preference for future behaviour (I'd prefer) or (I'd rather), though these things can be hard to separate.

If we meet these criteria, I think we've got to say either I prefer you to come or I prefer your coming, haven't we? People don't say those things very often because they usually talk more casually than that.

I'm just not sure that we are answering the same question. Perhaps I'm taking it more literally than Cami intended. The fact is that I prefer sounds just that bit more prescriptive than I'd rather and I wanted to try to keep that element, and with it the oppressive feeling that a very present preference was being expressed.

Avangi · Answer

I greatly appreciate your position. I think we sometimes neglect the poster's question in favor of one we think they should have asked, or wish they had asked. My post was certainly guilty of that.

On the other hand, sometimes when I think I've most succeeded in reading the poster's meaning, I later find out I've failed.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

Prefer with gerund or infinitive

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