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Dchwen Posted 9 years ago

Polish a poem

Please help to polish this poem, it's written by my 9-year old kid, I think it is beautiful if someone can help polish it. Thanks.


Moonlight

By Michael Wen

The shining moon it starts at noon,

Shining bright, shining white,

The sky is blue, getting your view.

The shining moon, the shining noon,

After noon the moonlight starts.

In the sky are millions hearts,

One heart falls, another grows,

A million hearts after it rose.

The moon is the shiniest thing,

Shiner than a goose wing,

It’s very shiny, it’s very bright,

It’s the king of the light.

The shining moon it starts at noon,

Shining bright, shining white,

When the sky is very clear,

The shining moon is already there.

  

Top answer

The moon sometimes appears during the day, but the moon in poetry is invariably a night entity. So starting off with the moon in the daytime is unusual. Nevertheless, this might be revised, for example, as follows (US usage): The moon came out at noon, unusual, but there is was, in a blue sky, in full view.

  • The moon sometimes appears during the day, but the moon in poetry is invariably a night entity.
  • So starting off with the moon in the daytime is unusual.
  • Nevertheless, this might be revised, for example, as follows (US usage): The moon came out at noon, unusual, but there is was, in a blue sky, in full view.
  • Later, it was more at home, in a sky full of stars, falling ones even, dominating the sky with its light, the queen of the night.
  • Will it be there at noon tomorrow, a paler version of its nighttime self?
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1 Answers
0

The moon sometimes appears during the day, but the moon in poetry is invariably a night entity. So starting off with the moon in the daytime is unusual. Nevertheless, this might be revised, for example, as follows (US usage):

The moon came out at noon,

unusual, but there is was,

in a blue sky, in full view.

Later, it was more at home,

in a sky full of stars, fal

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