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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago

Poems

Is my poem good? What should I work on?

Blow out your candles from one to teen,
Your world revolves around society,
Feel the burn, feel the pain,
Take me, hide me, shield my face,
Regret your words, your actions, your life,
No ambition, no motives, no cares, no strife,
Pressure pressure wearing me down,
Inside I'm broken, outside I smile,
Friends, friends please help me,
No one answers, I have nobody,
To the blind eye I'm fine and happy,
Open your eyes and see what it's like to be me.
  

Top answer

Poetry really isn't my strength. I think I get the point of your poem, but I am distracted while reading it because every line ends with a comma, which in prose would be totally incorrect. [ I think you mean 'from one to ten ' in the first line?

— Philip

  • Poetry really isn't my strength.
  • I think I get the point of your poem, but I am distracted while reading it because every line ends with a comma, which in prose would be totally incorrect.
  • [ I think you mean 'from one to ten ' in the first line?
  • ]
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1 Answers
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Poetry really isn't my strength. I think I get the point of your poem, but I am distracted while reading it because every line ends with a comma, which in prose would be totally incorrect. [ I think you mean 'from one to ten' in the first line? ]
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