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Nikoo Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Poem translation
I have translated an old poem to English. I should be grateful if you could tell me if it makes any sense:
On world and its chattels, bind not thy heart,
for its loyalty no body won.
No one ate honey here without getting a bite;
no one plucked a date here, without a bite of a thorn.
One set a fire to a candle,
when he was done, everything was blown.
The one, who bound his heart on it (world),
was in fact, growing the enemy of his own.
The warrior, the world-conquering king,
the one from whose sword blood dropped when it was drawn;
the one who defeated an army by one raid,
annihilated the heart of the corps by a shout alone.
Panic-stricken by hearing his name,
a lion would prepare to attack in its wild zone.
He jailed the princes for no cause,
beheaded many easily, with no fear shown.
On world and its chattels, bind not thy heart,
for its loyalty no body won.
No one ate honey here without getting a bite;
no one plucked a date here, without a bite of a thorn.
One set a fire to a candle,
when he was done, everything was blown.
The one, who bound his heart on it (world),
was in fact, growing the enemy of his own.
The warrior, the world-conquering king,
the one from whose sword blood dropped when it was drawn;
the one who defeated an army by one raid,
annihilated the heart of the corps by a shout alone.
Panic-stricken by hearing his name,
a lion would prepare to attack in its wild zone.
He jailed the princes for no cause,
beheaded many easily, with no fear shown.
Top answer
Hello, Nikoo - and welcome to English Forums. It makes sense, but the sections do not go together well. I have suggested a few changes in grammar and vocabulary, but the problem with the sections remains: To the world and its chattels, bind not thy heart, for its loyalty nobody won.
- Hello, Nikoo - and welcome to English Forums.
- It makes sense, but the sections do not go together well.
- I have suggested a few changes in grammar and vocabulary, but the problem with the sections remains: To the world and its chattels, bind not thy heart, for its loyalty nobody won.
- No one ate honey here without getting stung ; no one plucked a date here, without the bite of a thorn.
- One set a fire to a candle, and when he was done, everything was burnt.
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2 Answers
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Hello, Nikoo - and welcome to English Forums.
It makes sense, but the sections do not go together well. I have suggested a few changes in grammar and vocabulary, but the problem with the sections remains:
To the world and its chattels, bind not thy heart,
for its loyalty nobody won.
No one ate honey here without getting stung
It makes sense, but the sections do not go together well. I have suggested a few changes in grammar and vocabulary, but the problem with the sections remains:
To the world and its chattels, bind not thy heart,
for its loyalty nobody won.
No one ate honey here without getting stung
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Hello Mister Micawber
and thank you for replying.
Yes, the sections do not go together well.
This heterogeneous structure is a characteristic of the poems I'm translating.
This was very helpful.
Thanks again.
and thank you for replying.
Yes, the sections do not go together well.
This heterogeneous structure is a characteristic of the poems I'm translating.
This was very helpful.
Thanks again.
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