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Sarcandra Posted 14 years ago
poem for review
Hi everyone. I'm not a poet, but felt like trying my hand at it. I'm not sure if this piece will be understandable to others so I'd appreciate your comments and edits.
If it's possible to separate editing this from rewriting it, I'd like to try to do the rewriting myself based on your feedback. Thanks.
HINDSIGHT
No
you do not speak
with desire much less
ability
to hurt
No
it was not your
ineptitude
It belonged to
someone else
No
it was strong
of you to
tread softly
and not swagger
Yes
jolly good
fellows prove
to be fathoms
deep
It’s just that
glimpsing lamb-skin under eagles’ feathers
triggered the wry tease of words
my form of self-preservation
Now tender musings pretend we had
the sweetest conversation.
If it's possible to separate editing this from rewriting it, I'd like to try to do the rewriting myself based on your feedback. Thanks.
HINDSIGHT
No
you do not speak
with desire much less
ability
to hurt
No
it was not your
ineptitude
It belonged to
someone else
No
it was strong
of you to
tread softly
and not swagger
Yes
jolly good
fellows prove
to be fathoms
deep
It’s just that
glimpsing lamb-skin under eagles’ feathers
triggered the wry tease of words
my form of self-preservation
Now tender musings pretend we had
the sweetest conversation.
Top answer
I like it. Is this a particular pattern of lines?
- I like it.
- Is this a particular pattern of lines?
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3 Answers
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Nikoo, thank you! To be honest there's no pattern, I just went with what sounded good to me, which probably won't sound good to others! Although when I noticed that three of the first four stanzas had five lines, I expanded the other stanza to also have five lines. I wonder if that should matter?
I think poetry is the hardest of the genres. I'm reading it again and it doesn't seem as clea
I think poetry is the hardest of the genres. I'm reading it again and it doesn't seem as clea
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What is the meaning of hindsight? Is it some kind of "recalling memories"?
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