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Jireh Posted 15 years ago

Poem

Until the Last Tick

We've shared so many times,
Even some of them are crimes,
We didn't care about the world,
And sometimes we'd sound absurd.

We may have been through trials,
And there may be denials,
But we stayed true friends,
'Cause that's not where our journey ends.

There were tears that we shed,
But a lot more laughter that we shared.
I know it won't ever be erased,
And will always be embraced.

The joy we shared for years,
When you leave will turn to tears.
And the memories we formed together,
Will last in my heart forever.

Because in my heart I'm sure,
That our friendship will endure,
Won't be broken like a stick but stronger than a brick,
And may it stand strong, until the last tick.

--first poem i've written Emotion: smile comment on it Emotion: smile
  

Top answer

Pretty good for a first effort, Jireh. Welcome to English Forums.

  • Pretty good for a first effort, Jireh.
  • Welcome to English Forums.
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4 Answers
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Pretty good for a first effort, Jireh. Welcome to English Forums.
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Thanks a lot. Can you give me any suggestion onhow I can improve further? Thanks again. Emotion: smile)
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Your rhyming is good, but now you need to work on meter:

We've shared so many times, u/u/u/
Even some of them are crimes, uu/u/u/
We didn't care about the world, uuu/u/u/
And sometimes we'd sound absurd. u/uu/u/
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Thanks again Emotion: smile I appreciate it a lot.

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