0
Anonymous Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
plz help me tomorrow I have final exam
hi everyone
my teacher asked me to write a narrative paragraph about trip
so I wrote that . ( and I need your help if there is any mistake and i want know about your suggestion
I will never leave my camera on a bus seat again. Last week, I went with my family to the zoo. I took my camera. We rode the bus there. It was a beautiful day. The sun was bright but not too hot. There was a cool breeze. The trees were green. The flowers smelled wonderful. The lions, tigers, zebras, giraffes and elephants looked comfortable and content as they fed and played. I took around a hundred pictures. We stayed at the zoo until it closed. After two hours of walking around, we were pretty tired. When we got on the bus, I felt sleepy, so I put my camera down on the seat beside me and took a nap. Suddenly, my dad was calling my name and telling me to get off the bus. I jumped up and ran out of the door. When we got home, I went to download all my pictures, but couldn’t find my camera. Then I remembered where I had left it—on the bus. We called the bus company, but they could not find it anywhere. Somebody must have stolen it. Next time I ride the bus, I will hold onto everything, because I do not want to lose another camera.
my teacher asked me to write a narrative paragraph about trip
so I wrote that . ( and I need your help if there is any mistake and i want know about your suggestion
I will never leave my camera on a bus seat again. Last week, I went with my family to the zoo. I took my camera. We rode the bus there. It was a beautiful day. The sun was bright but not too hot. There was a cool breeze. The trees were green. The flowers smelled wonderful. The lions, tigers, zebras, giraffes and elephants looked comfortable and content as they fed and played. I took around a hundred pictures. We stayed at the zoo until it closed. After two hours of walking around, we were pretty tired. When we got on the bus, I felt sleepy, so I put my camera down on the seat beside me and took a nap. Suddenly, my dad was calling my name and telling me to get off the bus. I jumped up and ran out of the door. When we got home, I went to download all my pictures, but couldn’t find my camera. Then I remembered where I had left it—on the bus. We called the bus company, but they could not find it anywhere. Somebody must have stolen it. Next time I ride the bus, I will hold onto everything, because I do not want to lose another camera.
Top answer
There is nothing particularly wrong, grammatically speaking. Each sentence is correct. However, for an essay, you want to do a little more.
- There is nothing particularly wrong, grammatically speaking.
- Each sentence is correct.
- However, for an essay, you want to do a little more.
- The easiest change is to break this into two paragraphs instead of one long "dump everything in" paragraph.
- ) The other change that a teacher might be looking for is more complex sentences.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
1 Answers
0
There is nothing particularly wrong, grammatically speaking. Each sentence is correct. However, for an essay, you want to do a little more. The easiest change is to break this into two paragraphs instead of one long "dump everything in" paragraph. Paragraph 1 is "at the zoo;" paragraph 2 is "going home." (You divide the essay into separate events.)
The other change that a teacher mi
The other change that a teacher mi
0
Related Questions