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Naked chef Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Plz check my essay for college applying
Dear all,
Could you please check my essay. This essay is for applying a university. Please check the grammar, vocabulary , sentence construction and add the new ideas if it is needed.
Playing as an engineer was part of my childhood. While most of my friends were playing with the stethoscope toy, I was in the corner and figuring out how things work. I used to open my watches and game players just out of curiosity. Since that time I realized myself that I wanted to be an engineer. I even repaired some of the electronic devices at my home when they were broken. My mom was impressed me for that though that is not what she wanted me to be. She always wanted me to become a doctor but after the matriculation exam, I admitted my mom that I want to become an engineer and I wish to devote my life as a professional engineer. Then I chose West Yangon Technological University as a first step of my career life.
The more advanced the technology, the more electrical engineers are needed. Nothing can be accomplished without the electronic devices. The electrical engineers are one of the most essential people throughout the world. The developing country like my home country needs more electrical engineers to be advanced. I am so proud of myself for choosing this subject because I can serve my country as an important role one day. Being as a professional engineer is always my dream and I feel like I am already halfway. I believe that studying in a university abroad would turn me to be more professional and succeed in another way.
I have credible reasons why I want to seek the master degree. You know what, nothing comes after an education of a person in an education era like today. To become a professional, a bachelor degree is not enough for a career especially in engineering. What’s more, as we all know it, the more we educated, the less hardship we have to face when we hunt a job or when we are in job.
Of course, my career would be easier after I have master degree. I can definitely work more independently from what I have learnt from top-notch researches and hands- on experiences. On one hand, the global vision can teach me brand new knowledge and experiences by studying at an international University. In addition, I will have more internship and job opportunities, as I am a master degree holder from an International recognition University. For me, it is important that I continue my international education and have a chance to improve my academic, extracurricular and experiences altogether. Moreover, a master degree is my stepping-stone for my further study, the Doctoral.
The reasons of wanting to study my degree through the University of Bridgeport are very simple. I am impressed with the curriculum and class offered there, as well as the quality of instructions. I hope the University of Bridgeport can help my career and me very effectively. Plus not only the state-of-the-arts facilities but also the services for the international student are seizing my mind. Third, I love the location of the University. It is just one-hour drive to New York, the city of the world and also close to the Washington, DC, the capital city of the United States of America.
In addition, I prefer the weather of the Connecticut because I have been living my life in tropical weather so that I have always wanted to stay in a country with snow. I believe studying at the Bridgeport University will clean my way to become a successful professional engineer just as I always imagined myself.
Thanks in advance.
Could you please check my essay. This essay is for applying a university. Please check the grammar, vocabulary , sentence construction and add the new ideas if it is needed.
Playing as an engineer was part of my childhood. While most of my friends were playing with the stethoscope toy, I was in the corner and figuring out how things work. I used to open my watches and game players just out of curiosity. Since that time I realized myself that I wanted to be an engineer. I even repaired some of the electronic devices at my home when they were broken. My mom was impressed me for that though that is not what she wanted me to be. She always wanted me to become a doctor but after the matriculation exam, I admitted my mom that I want to become an engineer and I wish to devote my life as a professional engineer. Then I chose West Yangon Technological University as a first step of my career life.
The more advanced the technology, the more electrical engineers are needed. Nothing can be accomplished without the electronic devices. The electrical engineers are one of the most essential people throughout the world. The developing country like my home country needs more electrical engineers to be advanced. I am so proud of myself for choosing this subject because I can serve my country as an important role one day. Being as a professional engineer is always my dream and I feel like I am already halfway. I believe that studying in a university abroad would turn me to be more professional and succeed in another way.
I have credible reasons why I want to seek the master degree. You know what, nothing comes after an education of a person in an education era like today. To become a professional, a bachelor degree is not enough for a career especially in engineering. What’s more, as we all know it, the more we educated, the less hardship we have to face when we hunt a job or when we are in job.
Of course, my career would be easier after I have master degree. I can definitely work more independently from what I have learnt from top-notch researches and hands- on experiences. On one hand, the global vision can teach me brand new knowledge and experiences by studying at an international University. In addition, I will have more internship and job opportunities, as I am a master degree holder from an International recognition University. For me, it is important that I continue my international education and have a chance to improve my academic, extracurricular and experiences altogether. Moreover, a master degree is my stepping-stone for my further study, the Doctoral.
The reasons of wanting to study my degree through the University of Bridgeport are very simple. I am impressed with the curriculum and class offered there, as well as the quality of instructions. I hope the University of Bridgeport can help my career and me very effectively. Plus not only the state-of-the-arts facilities but also the services for the international student are seizing my mind. Third, I love the location of the University. It is just one-hour drive to New York, the city of the world and also close to the Washington, DC, the capital city of the United States of America.
In addition, I prefer the weather of the Connecticut because I have been living my life in tropical weather so that I have always wanted to stay in a country with snow. I believe studying at the Bridgeport University will clean my way to become a successful professional engineer just as I always imagined myself.
Thanks in advance.
Top answer
First of all, I think your letter is too long. You should shorten it. Second, it is too wooly and cheesy, it should be less romantic and more formal and to the point.
- First of all, I think your letter is too long.
- You should shorten it.
- Second, it is too wooly and cheesy, it should be less romantic and more formal and to the point.
- Now some corrections: - Nothing can be accomplished without electronic devices.
- - I was in the corner figuring out how things work.
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3 Answers
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First of all, I think your letter is too long. You should shorten it. Second, it is too wooly and cheesy, it should be less romantic and more formal and to the point.
Now some corrections:
- Nothing can be accomplished without electronic devices.
- I was in the corner figuring out how things work.
= What are game players?
- Since that time I realized that I wanted to be
Now some corrections:
- Nothing can be accomplished without electronic devices.
- I was in the corner figuring out how things work.
= What are game players?
- Since that time I realized that I wanted to be
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Playing as an engineer was part of my childhood. While most of my friends played with a stethoscope toy, I would be in the corner figuring out how things worked. I would constantly open my watches and game players out of sheer curiosity. These little aspects have bred within me me the realization that I've always wanted to be an engineer. I'd spend my free time repairing electronic devices at hom
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Hi
Thanks for your kind response and advice. So I will try it to be better.
Naked Chef!
Thanks for your kind response and advice. So I will try it to be better.
Naked Chef!
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