Pls review my IELTS essay

Topic: Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

There is a school of thought that teenagers engaging in illegal behaviors should be penalized in a similar way as adults. I am of the opinion that this judgment is flawed and need modifications.
Firstly, it is important to recognize the imprisonment of delinquents can not only cease the crime rates but also deter any potential criminals. However, teenagers are easily susceptible to the living environment. In fact, they are vulnerable and easily contaminated by the surrounding and people they come in close contact with. Consequently, they tend to intake wrong beliefs and carry out some illegal behaviors if they expose to lawbreaking activities frequently. For example, teenagers who are under excessive exposure to violence often use violence to solve conflicts because they are desensitized to damages created by unlawful actions. In short, the tendency of committing crimes of young people is not subjective but objective. Therefore, it is not reasonable, justifiable for imprisoning delinquents.
Secondly, when it comes to the eligibility of juveniles for illegitimate actions, it is fair to realize that" There is no goodness in anyone's blood more than the crimes in the blood of others". Crimes are not born, they are made of poverty, injustice and other reasons. Indeed, juveniles are only penalized when they reach certain ages since at this stage they are fully eligible for their entire behaviors. For instance, in Vietnam, teenagers are sent to prisons when committing crimes only when they are over seventeen and they repeatedly carry out unlawful activities. Clearly, It is not acceptable to imprison delinquents as described above

In summary, I believe that delinquently should not be treated the same way as adults when they commit crimes.