Pls help to review my IELTS essay

Topic: Being competitive is regarded as an important quality for individuals. How does effectiveness affect a person?

My essay:

There is no room for doubt that competitiveness is considered a crucial characteristic of a person. While competitiveness is a contributing factor to a person's success, over-competitiveness has many problems that should be taken into account.
Firstly, it is important to recognize that people who have a high ambition for success tend to strive to achieve their goals by all of their efforts. With a high sense of competitiveness, they relentlessly try to catch up with their peers and comprehend their strengths and weaknesses simultaneously. In other words, in contemporary society where there is a fierce competition in every walk of life, those who have a high commitment to excellent and perfectionism are highly likely to win this harsh race. For instance, students who have a desire for flying scores tend to become well-rounded individuals as they have to enrich their knowledge and foster their understanding of other aspects.
Secondly, it is obvious to realize that over-competitiveness is problematic in itself. The main justification is that those who are over-competitive often make impulsive decisions and pursue many tasks at the same time to maximize their potential success. Besides, others are well-known to sacrifice everything in order to achieve their targets or even commit illegitimate actions to speed up their approaching process. Furthermore, in the current society, depression or frustration is the common illness for modern people who fail to acquire their infeasible objectives due to their over-competitiveness. For example, in the pursuit of wealth, some violate moral norms and cross the line to break the rules to earn handsome incomes. In short, over-competitiveness could be a destructive factor to society and themselves
In conclusion, in my opinion, individuals should have a clear-cut distinction between competitiveness and over-competitiveness because while the former encourages people to go further, the later is harmful to some extent.