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Anonymous Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Pls help to amend my essay . Many thank

Question:

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Essay:

Nowadays, people are focusing that the computer advances our life in the different stage. One view is there are some existing problems on this modern product that may impact our community. In this essay, I will describe the opinion for and against worth of computer.



First of all, it is very significant that the development of technology makes our life more convention. People could obtain a lot of information and knowledge on the internet whatever they want. It is also very important stage that human being become more intelligent than previous. Moreover, the computer has a lot of advantage in diverse filed especially it can be a communication tool. For example, the government can show their powerful policy on their website advising their residents.



On the other hand, it is often claimed that we should face some disadvantage of computer that may influence our society. Although there are a lot of data and message on the internet but it is easy to look for some violent and bloody websites for children. I think they are not mature enough so this kind of message may impact their mind to have negative aspects. Many experts point out that even if it is very popular to talk each other on the chat line. People keep their relationship by computer decreasing the opportunity of face to face.



In the conclusion it is clear the development in computer will undoubtedly continue at a rapid pace .However there will some badly efforts. What people need to is carefully consider and aim to minimize the drawbacks in this newly creation.

  

Top answer

Hi, I've highlighted your problems for you. You have problems with your word choices, agreements, and parallel constructions. Essay: Nowadays, people are focusing (word choice) that the computer advances our life in the different stage.

  • Hi, I've highlighted your problems for you.
  • You have problems with your word choices, agreements, and parallel constructions.
  • Essay: Nowadays, people are focusing (word choice) that the computer advances our life in the different stage.
  • One view is there are some existing problems on this modern product that may impact our community.
  • In this essay, I will describe the opinion for and against worth of (take them out) computer s .
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2 Answers
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Hi,

I've highlighted your problems for you. You have problems with your word choices, agreements, and parallel constructions.

Essay:

Nowadays, people are focusing (word choice) that the computer advances our life in the different stage. One view is there are some existing problems on this modern product that may impact our community. In this essay, I will describ
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Dear Julielai,

Thanks for your effort.

Would you help to advise the appropriate word for my mistake?

Because I still didn't know what is the suitable vocabulary.

Many thanks.

Best regards,

Carol

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