Pls help me review IELTS essay

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Pls help me review essay writing. Thank you so much.

Topic: Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. To what extend do you agree?

Currently there is a higher percentage of women in the workforce than ever before, they remain underrepresented in positions of power. People believe that companies should make the process on gender diversity by allocating a certain percentage of senior level to women. I agree somewhat with this idea.

On the one hand, I believe that women should be given more opportunities in senior leadership roles. First, many researches prove that the percentage of leadership female has grown thanks to an increasing number of companies are seeing the value of having more women in their leadership team. In fact, women in managerial positions are perceived as competent as their male counterparts. They are even better than men on key leadership skills, such as taking initiative, act with resilience, driving for results or developing others. Second, unconscious gender bias in the workplace places a significant role in hiring and promotion decisions, this contributes to the lower number of women in key positions. For example, talents management or performance review documents are naturally designed with masculine standards which might place women in worse positions or negatively impact on their development opportunities.

On the other hand, there are a number of reasons why companies should not allocate a certain percentage of managerial positions on one gender. First, since making profit is the top priority of companies, they are hiring those who can bring added value to the organization. In fact, if the target figure is set, it might force companies to hire wrong applicants to fulfill the target even though it can result in detriment in long run. Second, senior positions are fulfilled by skills, experiences and qualifications rather than gender, it seems unrealistic to decide how much percentage for women. For example, companies are unable to make sure that there will be suitable female candidates whenever they need to fill a certain percentage.

In conclusion, women are underrepresented in the workplace and more actions must be done to enable highly skilled women to advance into leadership positions, but I do not agree with the idea that companies should allocate a certain percentage for women.