PLS!!! Help me by checking my writing task 2 _ video game

Topic: Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

My essay:

It is true that video game is one of the the fascinating inventions in the world. While I can accept that playing video games have many advantages, I believe that it is more likely to have a great deal of negative effects.

On the one hand, it is apparent that video games have some benefits for people’s mental and physical development. First, video games help to develop their concentration. In fact, many children are unwilling to sit up and focus on somethings, such as subjects at school. Children, however, are willing to spend one or maybe even three hours playing games. It is one of the best ways to develop their concentration for a long time. They will be used to focusing for a long time, and it is one of the most important skills for childrem in the future when they study at school. Second, for those people who are keen on video game, they believe that this tool becomes a great motivation to learn language and improve their reflexes. It is not uncommon that many people feel reluctant and have many difficulties to learn a foreign language. They fail to learn language through books, music or teachers. Therefore, games become the best choice because language is really important to contribute their winning, and help them to understand the rules. In reality, in Vietnam, many students, especially male students, love video games, so they have wide vocabularies which relative with games.

On the other hand,most people believe that playing video games have more drawbacks than benefits. The main reason is that people who spend too much time playing games have many psychological issues. For example, in Vietnam, the rate of teenagers crime increases as the number of students become obsessed with games. It is certain that if people have gaming addiction, it will lead to grave unforeseen consequenes which relate with virtual life. They can be easy to forget real life and become lonely and maybe even depressed. Besides, video games can distract children from their homework, reading books and physical activities/sports. As a results, it is not uncommon that many people who are highly addicted to games have a great deal of health problems. They lack the time to work out, so that lead to they become overweight. Moreover, because they expose to computer and smartphone for many hours, they tend to have many eyes issues, such as myopia. Meanwhile, video games often have inappropriate content, such as violence and adult themes. Many crimes take advantages of people's curiousness to cheat them out of money.

In conclusion, people need to have timetable to control their time to play games. When they play games, they should take advantages of its benifits to improve their concentration language, and reflexes. Alternatively, video games have come under fire with many negative effects about psychological issues and health problems.