PLS!!! Help me by checking my Writing task 1

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Topic: The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000.The pie chart illustrates the number of units of electricity by fuel source, namely coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power in Australia and France between 1980 and 2000. Overall, units of electricity manufacture were made by coal, oil, natural gas and hydro power in Australia. In comparison, in France, there were coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power to production units of electricity. Total electricity production increased dramatically from 1980 to 2000 in both Australia and France.In Australia, production by coal was the largest segment which rose dramatically from 150 to 130 units over 20 years. In contrast, units of electricity production by oil and natural gas had a substantial decrease. And production by hydro power rose slightly by 16 units. In France, units of electricity by nuclear power had an enormous rise which was approximately three quarters in 2000. In contrast, production by hydro power and natural gas decrease to 2 units. The amount of electricity produced using oil had a small fall, while units by coal remained stable at 25 units.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The pie chart (wrong form) illustrates (wrong word) the number of units of electricity by fuel source, namely coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power in Australia and France between (wrong word) 1980 and 2000.

Model paragraph #1:The relative importance of different fuels used to produce electricity in two countries, France and Australia, in two years, 1980 and 2000, is shown in these four pie charts. Each chart breaks down the total production into the proportions produced from coal, oil, natural gas, hydropower and nuclear power. Each segment is also annotated with the absolute number of units produced.

Overall, units of electricity manufacture (wrong word) were made by coal, oil, natural gas and hydro power in Australia. In comparison, in France, there were coal, oil, natural gas, hydro power and nuclear power to production units of electricity. (wrong expression) Total electricity production increased dramatically(Give mathematical relations, not word descriptions.) from 1980 to 2000 in both Australia and France.

My observations for paragraph #2. Write 2 or 3 major observations about the figure in this paragraph:

1. Total production increased 70% in Australia and it doubled in France between these two years.

2. The absolute production numbers were similar in these two countries, 100 and 90 for Australia and France, respectively, in 1980 and 170 and 180 in 2000.

3. In 1980 in France, there was no predominant fuel source, but in Australia 50% of electricity production was from coal. The picture changed in 2000 with about 75% of the electricity in Australia coming from coal, and about that same percentage in France coming from nuclear power.

Note that I use mathematical terms, not descriptive terms like "enormous," "dramatic," "substantial," and "slight." Math professors like numerical values because descriptive words do not tell us very much. Also, focus on comparisons, not just the data values.

In Australia, production by coal was the largest segment which rose dramatically(Repetition) from 150(wrong number. When something goes from 150 to 130 it decreases. It does not increase.) )to 130 units over 20 years. In contrast, the number of units of electricity production by oil and natural gas had a substantial(How much?) decrease. And production by hydro power rose ~~slightly~~ by 16 units.

In France, production of units of electricity by nuclear power had an enormous rise which was approximately three quarters in 2000. In contrast, production by hydro power and natural gas decrease(wrong form) to 2 units. The amount of electricity produced from ~~using~~ oil had a small fall, while units by coal remained the same ~~stable~~ at 25 units.

PLS!!! Help me by checking my Writing task 1

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