PLS!!! Help me by checking my essay_ageing populations

Question

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

My essay:

Nowadays, many countries have the sheer number of older people. The population tends to decline in fertility rates and become ageing populations. There is a lot of problems with this issue and I suppose some solutions to reduce the pressure of ageing populations.

The world faces serious problems of population because of the sheer number of older people. The main issue is that the working-age population decreases and the lack of workforce become more serious. A decline in the working-age population puts too much pressure on manufacturing. For example, in Japan, because of ageing population, labor-intensive farming or manufacturing usually recruit employees. Although they have many forms to attract a lot of interests, they still have many vacant jobs. Second, ageing population puts heavy pressure on social services. The government has to spend more on pensions, so it puts pressure on national budgets and the working population. Moreover, elderly people suffer from various health problems such as high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke or heart attack. Therefore, it makes an increased demand for health and social care.

There are several solutions that society could solve the problems described above. First, development's technology is important to reduce pressure on the workforce. The robot is one of the best choices. It has the ability to work which does not feel tired, stress. For instance, in China, people use robots in the school to reduce pressure and save time for teachers. A robot able to make lectures more interesting which uses music, picture or game. Second, the government can change the policy about retirement ages. Since the reforms and open-door policy, Korea attracts lots of interest from foreign employees. In Vietnam, the government increases retirement ages that a man is from 60 to 63 and a woman is from 55 to 58. It is very useful and allows them to continue to devote their ability.

In conclusion, ageing populations have some issues, but nowadays, because of technology and reforms, people can reduce pressure on social care and the working population.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Nowadays, many countries have the sheer number (Wrong expression. There is no such number. ) of older people. The population tends to decline in fertility rates (Wrong expression) and become ageing populations. (Wrong form) There is (Wrong form) a lot of problems with this ~~issue~~ and I suppose (Wrong word) some solutions to reduce the pressure of ageing populations.

The world faces serious problems of population because of the relatively large ~~sheer~~ number of older people. The main issue is that as the working-age population decreases, the size of the ~~and the lack of~~ workforce also goes down and finding employees to fulfill the demand becomes more difficult ~~serious~~. A decline in the working-age population puts ~~too much~~ pressure on manufacturing. For example, in Japan, because of the ageing population, labor-intensive farming or manufacturing are always having to recruit workers. ~~usually recruit employees~~. Although they have many forms (Wrong word) to attract a lot of interests, (Wrong form) they still have many vacant jobs. Second, an ageing population puts heavy pressure on social services. The government has to spend more on pensions, so it puts pressure on national budgets (Wrong form) and the working population. Moreover, elderly people suffer from various health problems such as high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke or heart attack. Therefore, it makes an increased demand for health and social care.

There are several solutions that society could solve (ungrammatical) these problems ~~described above.~~ First, development's (Wrong word) technology is important to reduce pressure on the workforce. The robot is one of the best choices. It has the ability to work which does not feel tired, stress. (ungrammatical) For instance, in China, people use robots in the school (Which school? Is there one robotically-controlled school in China?) to reduce pressure and save time for teachers. A robot able to make lectures more interesting which uses music, picture or game. (ungrammatical) Second, the government can change the policy about retirement ages. Since the reforms and open-door policy, Korea attracts lots of interest from foreign employees. (??) In Vietnam, the government increases (wrong form) retirement ages (wrong form) that a man is from 60 to 63 and a woman is from 55 to 58. It is very useful and allows them to continue to devote their ability.

In conclusion, ageing populations have some issues, but nowadays, because of technology and reforms, people can reduce pressure on social care and the working population.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Model Essay:

Many countries have increasing numbers of older people relative to younger people. The average fertility rate decreases, fewer children are born, and they face the problems typical of an aging population. But there are some solutions to reduce the negative impacts of aging populations.

The main issue of an aging population is that the proportion of people who are of working-age decreases and the national workforce shrinks in size. This puts pressure on labor-intensive businesses. For example, in Japan, because of the aging population, labor-intensive farming or manufacturing businesses have to recruit employees continuously. There is fierce competition for employees, especially young people who have just finished their education. Although they offer many enticements such as good pay, paid vacation, and health insurance to attract new employees, they still have many vacant jobs. Second, an aging population puts heavy pressure on social services. The government has to pay out more money in pensions, so it puts pressure on the national budget and the working population has to pay higher taxes to support the pensioners. Moreover, elderly people suffer from age-related health problems such as arthritis, Alzheimer's disease, pneumonia and brittle bones. They are also weaker and more susceptible to flu and respiratory diseases. Therefore, older people make a higher demand on the health care systems than their younger counterparts.

There are two solutions that society could employ to solve these problems. New technology offers promising ways to replace manual workers in menial jobs, and to automate healthcare. Robots have the ability to work without getting tired or feeling stress. For instance, in China, people use robots in schools to reduce the workload on teachers. A robot is able to make lectures more interesting by using music, videos or games. Robots are regularly used in manufacturing, taking over repetitive jobs that used to be done by humans. Second, the government can change the immigration laws and the retirement age policy . Since the reforms and open-door policy, Korea has had an influx of employees from other countries. They are given temporary work visas. In Vietnam, the government has increased retirement ages for men from 60 to 63 and for women from 55 to 58. This allows able-bodied and healthy older people to prolong their careers.

In conclusion, aging populations have some associated problems, but, because of technology and reforms in policy, governments and large employers can mitigate the worst of these problems.

PLS!!! Help me by checking my essay_ageing populations

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