PLS! Help me by checking my essay _ shopping center (1)
It is a well-known fact that in the contemporary world, the number of large shopping centers and supermarkets are increasing and they become more popular than small local shops. I enunciate the idea that this trend is positive due to the increase number of jobs and the attractions for tourism.
First, spacious shopping centers and supermarkets create more jobs than small local shops. Many people are able to take responsibilities for several jobs. In addition, people work in large shopping centers and supermarkets have better salary, working conditions and benefits, such as healthcare payment. Vincom, for example, is one of the biggest shopping centers in Vietnam. It contributes to solve unemployment problems by employing numerous local younger people.
Second, it is not uncommon that shopping centers and supermarkets become the attraction sites which contribute a lot to tourism development. They are paradise of shopping lovers, therefore, attracts a lot of interest from not only local people but also tourists. For example, Singapore is a small country which doesn’t have much natural movements. This country has invested and built several large shopping markets that brings them a thousand of tourists every day. It becomes one of the most important income to contribute economy growth of Singapore.
In conclusion, it is obvious that the development of large shopping centers and supermarkets have many positive effect. I believe that they pave the way for the economy growth through creating various jobs and attracting tourists
Top answer
You have some good ideas in your body paragraphs, but you need to write in a clear and simple language, especially your introduction. For the millionth and one time, you will get poor marks if you complicate your sentences/vocabulary unnecessarily. Go over your essay carefully (especially the introduction) and try to spot some basic grammar mistakes.
- You have some good ideas in your body paragraphs, but you need to write in a clear and simple language, especially your introduction.
- For the millionth and one time, you will get poor marks if you complicate your sentences/vocabulary unnecessarily.
- Go over your essay carefully (especially the introduction) and try to spot some basic grammar mistakes.
- Post the revised essay below.
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You have some good ideas in your body paragraphs, but you need to write in a clear and simple language, especially your introduction. For the millionth and one time, you will get poor marks if you complicate your sentences/vocabulary unnecessarily. Go over your essay carefully (especially the introduction) and try to spot some basic grammar mistakes. Post the revised essay below.
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