Pls give me some feedbacks of this essay for ielts writing task 2

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills, such as cooperative skills. What are the causes and suggest some possible solutions?

There is no denying that some businesses find that their new staffs lack basic interpersonal skills, such as cooperative skills. From my perspective, this problem is caused by some factors, and it can lead to a wide range of negative consequences.

To begin with, several compelling reasons can be recorded to explain the loss of interpersonal skills that happened in their new employees. The education system in some economically disadvantaged countries are engrossed in theoretical knowledge than practical skills, this is a serious problem and they do not take this lightly. To illustrate, students tend to study all the subjects even those which is not relevant to their strength and talent which cause a less attention span and are not likely to have a good grasp of knowledge. Secondly, students tend to not acquire experience if school authorities do not hold enough extra-curricular activities to bond the relationship with each other and enhance their soft skills to some degree. For example, students in impressionable years will socialize easily if they have a chance to broaden their horizons in a competitive community to develop themselves as well as socialize with peers.

Furthermore, there are various effects of this trend. First, for students who have poor school performance are likely to fall behind with their studies. For example, streaming in school is the number one factor which makes them feel more inferiority complex because students can not catch up with peers who are high-flyers, this makes the bond will be insecure and hard to co-operate to work together. Second, giving some extra classes for students who have a knack for certain fields such as art, music, and so on to develop their talent and move up to the successful career ladder according to their strength. For instance, it allows them to think outside the box and exert more effort on their strength to make a contribution to school and society as well.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons why new employees lack interpersonal proficiency, and its negative effects can be neglected.