Pleaseee help me to correct my task 1 essay. Thanks much!!!

Question

My essay:The pie charts compare the proportion of three types of goods transportation in a European nation in three years 1800, 1850 and 1900.Overall, there was a downward trend in using roads and canals to transport products. On the contrary, railway transit witnesed a surge in popularity and usage. In 1800, 68% of the country’s goods was transported by canals, followed by 30% of that by roads. Contrastingly, a relatively smaller proportion (2%) was the amount of products shipped by railways, becoming the smallest figure in the time surveyed. However, in two fifty-year intervals, there was a dramatic a change in terms of railway and canal shipments. Despite being the most used transit system in 1800, the percentage of canal transportation halved by each period, as from 68% to 30% between 1800 and 1850, 30% to 15% in the second period. In contrast, merchandise shipped by railways saw an upsurge, which constituted 50% in 1850 and dominantly presented 70% in 1900. Meanwhile, people in that European country continued to use roads, but gradually less, to transit goods. That figure accounted for a totally 15% in 1900.WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The three pie charts compare the proportion of three types of goods transportation in a European nation in three years 1800, 1850 and 1900. (So what are these three types? Your description is not complete.

Suggestion:

The three pie charts, labeled 1800, 1850 and 1900, show the change in the methods used to convey goods in

Suggestion:

The three pie charts, labeled 1800, 1850 and 1900, show the change in the methods used to convey goods in one European country. The methods shown are by road, by rail and by barges on canals.)

)

Overall, there was a decline ~~downward trend~~ in using roads and canals to transport products. On the contrary, railway transit (wrong word) witnesed (Avoid anthropomorphic verbs - see, experience and witness in Task 1 essays. These are things that humans, not inanimate objects do.) a surge (wrong word. A century of change is not a surge. A surge happens over a very short time period.) in ~~popularity~~ and usage.

Overall, railroads displaced canals, and to some extent, roads, for transporting goods over the course of the nineteenth century. The increasing dominance of shipments by rail is notable in that in 1900, the percentage of shipments went up by a factor of 35. Shipment by roads declined by half from 30 to 15%.

)

In 1800, 68% of the country’s goods ~~was~~ were transported by canals, followed by 30% ~~of that~~ by roads. Contrastingly, (??) a relatively smaller proportion (2%) was the amount of products shipped by railways, becoming the smallest figure (wrong word) in the ~~time surveyed~~. (The topic does not mention any survey. Only write "survey" if you know that people were asked a set of questions and the data is the result of their answers.

In 1800, virtually all goods were shipped by either canals and roads. Rail shipments were negligible, amounting to only 2% of the total. Canals were used more than twice as much as roads, more than two-thirds, compared to 30%.

)

~~However, in~~ Considering the two fifty-year intervals (1800-1850 and 1850-1900), there was a dramatic a change in terms of the relative proportions of railway and canal shipments. Despite being the most used transit system in 1800, the percentage of goods moved by canal ~~transportation~~ halved in by each period, as from 68% to 30% between 1800 and 1850, and 30% to 15% in the second period. In contrast, merchandise shipped by railways ~~saw an upsurge,~~ went up by 250% in the first period and 40% in the second. ~~which constituted~~ 50% in 1850 to ~~and dominantly presented~~ (??) 70% in 1900. Meanwhile, people in that European country continued to use roads, but gradually less, to transit goods. That ~~figure~~ accounted for ~~a totally~~ 15% in 1900.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Pleaseee help me to correct my task 1 essay. Thanks much!!!

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