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Lo2 Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please take a look at this piece of text
A short description of the view from a room.
From the window I have a view of a railway and a park. The trees are all green with leaves, and because of that I cannot see that huge statue in the park, I have been able to see during winter and spring, when there were only little or no leaves on the trees. The railway makes a lot of noise, in particular the goods trains, with all their heavy wagons rolling past my windows. So that is why I have to close the windows. I have two windows, the outer one is one that you push up so the window opens upwards, unlike a regular door.
The inner one is a regular window that opens like a door, and because it is quite big, it requires quite a lot of empty space in the room, to open it up. Furthermore it consists of two pieces of glass, with empty space in between the two pieces of glass. This design is made to muffle the noise from the street and railway.
I would very much like you to point out if you find any grammar mistakes, or something that is not comprehensible.
From the window I have a view of a railway and a park. The trees are all green with leaves, and because of that I cannot see that huge statue in the park, I have been able to see during winter and spring, when there were only little or no leaves on the trees. The railway makes a lot of noise, in particular the goods trains, with all their heavy wagons rolling past my windows. So that is why I have to close the windows. I have two windows, the outer one is one that you push up so the window opens upwards, unlike a regular door.
The inner one is a regular window that opens like a door, and because it is quite big, it requires quite a lot of empty space in the room, to open it up. Furthermore it consists of two pieces of glass, with empty space in between the two pieces of glass. This design is made to muffle the noise from the street and railway.
I would very much like you to point out if you find any grammar mistakes, or something that is not comprehensible.
Top answer
"the huge statue", not "that huge statue" - it's quite literary to say "that" but it's unusual - you'd probably have to go on to say more about the statue for it to make sense "park, I have" - change to "park, that I have"? "little or no" - change to "few or no leaves" - or "little or no foliage" "empty space in the room to open it up" - I don't think you need the comma The 2 panes of glass with air inbetween for insulation, we call 'double-glazing' by the way. It's very well written - I think it's funny that you are describing the view, and spend half the time talking about the windows!
- "the huge statue", not "that huge statue" - it's quite literary to say "that" but it's unusual - you'd probably have to go on to say more about the statue for it to make sense "park, I have" - change to "park, that I have"?
- "little or no" - change to "few or no leaves" - or "little or no foliage" "empty space in the room to open it up" - I don't think you need the comma The 2 panes of glass with air inbetween for insulation, we call 'double-glazing' by the way.
- It's very well written - I think it's funny that you are describing the view, and spend half the time talking about the windows!
- I like it.
- D
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2 Answers
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"the huge statue", not "that huge statue" - it's quite literary to say "that" but it's unusual - you'd probably have to go on to say more about the statue for it to make sense
"park, I have" - change to "park, that I have"?
"little or no" - change to "few or no leaves" - or "little or no foliage"
"empty space in the room to open it up" - I don't think you need the comma
"park, I have" - change to "park, that I have"?
"little or no" - change to "few or no leaves" - or "little or no foliage"
"empty space in the room to open it up" - I don't think you need the comma
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Well thank you very much for your swift and very good answer!
Yeah it is kind of mostly about the window. It was just a writing excersise so I did not think much about what to write, I just wanted to write something. So it is more about the wording than the content.
And I am glad that you liked it
Yeah it is kind of mostly about the window. It was just a writing excersise so I did not think much about what to write, I just wanted to write something. So it is more about the wording than the content.
And I am glad that you liked it
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