Please revise my writing task 1. Thank you so much

Question

1000px|(LEFT, RIGHT, CENTER or NONE)|WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE]]to travel to Norbiton town.The maps illustrate changes that will be made to Norbiton industrial area in the future.Overall, it is apparent that the industrial sector will become a residential area with the significant increase in new housing and life amenities being most noticeable.Turning to the details, regarding the central part of the area, which contains a roundabout and several factories around. In the future, these factories will be demolished and replaced by new houses lying along the newly constructed roads. Following that, some life facilities will be erected according to the future plan, including new shops to the southwest of the roundabout as well as a medical center, playground, and school located to the east of the area.Another notable development is that a bridge over the river is expected to be constructed to connect the central part of the zone with the northern bank of the river. More specifically, it is planned to reduce the size of the farmland there to make room for new housing and roads. Along with the expansion of the residential area to the north, a smaller roundabout will be built on the highway to the south of the Norbiton industrial zone to make it more convenient to travel to Norbiton town.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You made a mistake in attaching the image. Is this what you are writing about?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The two maps, present day and future plan, illustrate changes that will be made to the Norbiton industrial area ~~in the future~~.

Overall, ~~it is apparent that~~ (Delete. Avoid these "dummy-it clauses. They are "filler" with no meaningful content). this industrial area ~~sector~~ will become a residential ~~area~~ with ~~the significant increase in new~~ housing. schools, shopping and healthcare facilities replacing the factories. ~~and life amenities~~ (That makes no sense.) ~~being most noticeable~~.

" increase in housing" is not good. It means there is some now, and more will be built. But in the current map, there is no housing at all.

Turning to the details, regarding the central part of the area, which contains a roundabout and several factories around. (That is not a sentence. There is no main verb, nor a subject. Please write complete sentences. You need to describe the permanent features of the map in the introduction or "overall" paragraph. )

In the future, these factories will be demolished and replaced by new houses lying along the newly constructed roads. Following that, some life facilities (Two problems. First, you have no idea if the houses will be built first and then the other buildings. Second, "Life facility" is not a good phrase.) will be erected ~~according to the future plan~~, including new shops to the southwest of the roundabout as well as a medical center, playground, and school located ~~to the east~~ (that is not a good phrase) on the east side of the area.

Another notable development is that a bridge over the river is ~~expected~~ (Take the plans as definite, not provisional.) to be constructed to connect the central part of the zone with the northern bank of the river. (You never mentioned any river before. That is a coherence and cohesion problem) More specifically, it is planned to be build on ~~reduce the size of~~ the farmland ~~there to make room for new housing and roads~~. Along with the expansion of the residential area to the north, a smaller roundabout will be built on the highway (You never mentioned any highway. Poor coherence and cohesion) to the south of the Norbiton industrial zone. (In task1, you must not make deductions or try to tell what the purpose is. Just describe the information. Do not give any reasons. ) ~~to make it more convenient to travel to Norbiton town~~. (You never mentioned this town before. Poor coherence and cohesion.)

Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. You need to describe the main features in the overall paragraph to fix that problem.

The sample essay will demonstrate the best way to write essays that show "before" and "after" maps.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

Paragraph 1: describe the maps.
Paragraph 2: Tell the reader about the main features of this area and major changes.
Paragraph 3: Compare the differences.

The two maps, present day and planned future development, depict the changes that will be made to the Norbiton industrial area.

The maps cover an area east of the town of Norbiton, bounded on the north side by a river and on the south side by a main highway. Other roads include a roundabout connected to the main highway and a side road from the roundabout headed east. Today's map shows eight factories along this side road and the roundabout. In the future, this entire area will be rezoned as residential, with homes, a school, shops, and a medical center.

In detail, the redevelopment includes not only a major building program, but also expansion of the road system. All the existing factories will be torn down. Two connecting roads will be constructed from the roundabout, one leading north crossing the river, and the other to the northwest. A school will be located at the end of the old side road, with a playground and new houses. More houses will be built along the new road leading north, and there is home construction on farmland north of the river. The shops are on the southwest side of the roundabout, and a medical center on the southeast side.

Please revise my writing task 1. Thank you so much

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