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MJ Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please revise it: My country and the sea (dull title, I know)
Hi
I’m currently preparing myself on my own to CAE. Some months ago I passed FCE, I dit it very well, but I got low marks in writing (passed but borderline). I need to improve it so I’ll be very thankful if any of you give me a piece of advice and revise my composition/article (I don’t know how to call it, he he).
Thank you so much!
( I didn’t choose the subject, it’s from my textbook...)
My country and the sea
The sea in Spain plays a mighty important role, seeing that the majority of its surface is surrounded by oceans and seas.
Consequently, this affects immensely in our culture and standard of living as it has much to do with our first revenue source: tourism. Millions of foreing people visit us every year, especially in summer. In view of the fact of our marvellous weather they can have a whale of a time enjoying the sea, both paddling or eating what it produces: fish. Depending on where you stay, you can try shellfish in Galicia or fried fish in Andalucía, commonly called “pescaito”. Subsequently, many families also subsist on fishing.
On account of this, nearby places to the shore are overpopulated, whereas the inland parrts are day bay day becoming almost desert. The exception is, precisely, the capital, Madrid, way far from the water.
Unfortunately, the sea brings sadness as well as joy. Every other day, an amount of hopeless people attempt to cross the treacherous waters separating Europe and Africa, in unseaworthy boats. Tragically, most of them are drawn before reaching the shore. And those who get it, they will not set up their lives in this supossed land of oportunuties, they are inmediately set off to their countries.
In conclusion, my country is a long-standing place of fishing and seafaring tradition, but it is also the gloomy dividing line between the prosperous and wealth, and the impoversihed ones.
I’m currently preparing myself on my own to CAE. Some months ago I passed FCE, I dit it very well, but I got low marks in writing (passed but borderline). I need to improve it so I’ll be very thankful if any of you give me a piece of advice and revise my composition/article (I don’t know how to call it, he he).
Thank you so much!
( I didn’t choose the subject, it’s from my textbook...)
My country and the sea
The sea in Spain plays a mighty important role, seeing that the majority of its surface is surrounded by oceans and seas.
Consequently, this affects immensely in our culture and standard of living as it has much to do with our first revenue source: tourism. Millions of foreing people visit us every year, especially in summer. In view of the fact of our marvellous weather they can have a whale of a time enjoying the sea, both paddling or eating what it produces: fish. Depending on where you stay, you can try shellfish in Galicia or fried fish in Andalucía, commonly called “pescaito”. Subsequently, many families also subsist on fishing.
On account of this, nearby places to the shore are overpopulated, whereas the inland parrts are day bay day becoming almost desert. The exception is, precisely, the capital, Madrid, way far from the water.
Unfortunately, the sea brings sadness as well as joy. Every other day, an amount of hopeless people attempt to cross the treacherous waters separating Europe and Africa, in unseaworthy boats. Tragically, most of them are drawn before reaching the shore. And those who get it, they will not set up their lives in this supossed land of oportunuties, they are inmediately set off to their countries.
In conclusion, my country is a long-standing place of fishing and seafaring tradition, but it is also the gloomy dividing line between the prosperous and wealth, and the impoversihed ones.
Top answer
Hi MJ, I got rid of the gibberish codes in your post. ) surface is surrounded by oceans and seas. ) has much to do with our first revenue source: tourism.
- Hi MJ, I got rid of the gibberish codes in your post.
- ) surface is surrounded by oceans and seas.
- ) has much to do with our first revenue source: tourism.
- ) people visit us every year, especially in summer.
- In view of the fact of (redundant) our marvellous weather they can have a whale of a time enjoying the sea, both (inconsistent with "or") paddling or eating what it produces: fish.
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2 Answers
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Hi MJ,
I got rid of the gibberish codes in your post.
The sea in Spain plays a mighty important role, seeing (the sea sees?) that the majority of its (unclear -- the sea's or Spain's?) surface is surrounded by oceans and seas.
Consequently, this (what does this refer to?) affects immensely in (check the usage of affect) our culture and stand
I got rid of the gibberish codes in your post.
The sea in Spain plays a mighty important role, seeing (the sea sees?) that the majority of its (unclear -- the sea's or Spain's?) surface is surrounded by oceans and seas.
Consequently, this (what does this refer to?) affects immensely in (check the usage of affect) our culture and stand
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Hi guys,
Julielai, your comments are handy as always. I think, if MJ use them in his second try, this essay would shape up into a pretty nice piece.
Good luck,
Dmitrij.
Julielai, your comments are handy as always. I think, if MJ use them in his second try, this essay would shape up into a pretty nice piece.
Good luck,
Dmitrij.
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