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Pamela Adoki Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please review this essay for me

The two line graphs compares the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010. The graphs gives information on students just commencing their studies and their sum total for both local and foreign students.
Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of local students were greater than that of the international students, throughout the ten year period by both measurements. However the number of overseas students increased steadily while the total number of local students reached its peak between 2001-2006 and remained constant.
Moving to a more detailed analysis, the total number of students stood at 20,000 and 400,000 for international and local students respectively. 180 thousand native Australians gained admissions into colleges and a percentage of 10 thousand foreign students were admitted.
However, international admissions rose significantly to 40,000 in the 2009 to 2010, while local admissions increased just a little above 200,000 and remained constant despite experiencing some fluctuations.
By 2010, the total number of overseas students enrolled into Australian universities had increased dramatically to an average of 80 thousand compared to local enrollment which rose to 600,000.

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Top answer

The two line graphs compares (wrong form) the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010. The graphs gives (wrong form) information on ("Give information on" is vague. ) students just commencing their studies and their sum total for both local and foreign students.

— AlpheccaStars

  • The two line graphs compares (wrong form) the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010.
  • The graphs gives (wrong form) information on ("Give information on" is vague.
  • ) students just commencing their studies and their sum total for both local and foreign students.
  • (It is impossible to determine from your description what is on each chart.
  • ) Overall, it can be seen that (Those are useless filler words.
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3 Answers
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The two line graphs compares (wrong form) the numbers of overseas and local students enrolled into Australian universities between 2001 to 2010. The graphs gives (wrong form) information on ("Give information on" is vague. It does not tell the reader what is plotted.) s

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Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm


Please read my advice for Task 1 e

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Pamela Adokibetween 2001 to 2010.

This is awkward. It would be more natural to write between 2001 and 2010, or, from 2001 to 2010. You can choose one of the underlined parts.

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