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With the development of technology in education, will traditional classrooms disappear in the future. What’s your opinion?-------------------------------------------------------------      While it is good for students to get exposure to modern technology in education, they shouldn’t take advantage of this development to drop out of touch with traditional schools completely. In this essay, I will give two reasons.     On the one hand, attending online classes is not so effective as going to conventional schools. First, teachers have difficulty in giving clear lectures, students can’t ask for deeper explanations even if they haven’t understood the lessons yet. In addition, students have a tendency to be passive and devoid of real knowledge. They may be overly dependent on the internet, googling the answers to their assignments or even the questions in examinations. Second, students are easily distracted by many components while studying at home, resulting in worse learning outcomes. In particular, they can either suffer from the loud noise of their neighbors, the children, construction sites nearby or even eat, sleep, play games, chat their friends up without paying attention. Those arguments prove that school is the most ideal place to study in earnest.     On the other hand, taking lessons all day in a stuffy space can have a profound influence on students’ physical and mental health. Children have to be stuck with the screens, sit at the desks for too long, which does harm to their eyes, brains due to radiation, and their musculoskeletal system as well. Meanwhile, they can look at green trees in the schoolyard to let their eyes relax, spend their break time going around and taking fresh air. Besides, online learning triggers off significant numbers of mental problems. Particularly, students are inclined to feel socially isolated, have lower levels of depression and anxiety. Ultimately, there are no longer images of healthy and out-going children.     To recuperate, no matter how significantly the technology develops, I don’t support the idea that traditional schools will be replaced by online classes.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You miss writing conjunctions when there is a list of items in a phrase. For example:

Jess likes apples, oranges, grapes. (WRONG)
Jess likes apples, oranges, and grapes. (CORRECT)

Students from very poor families are likely to drop out of school, get involved in crime, become addicted to drugs. (WRONG)
Students from very poor families are likely to drop out of school, get involved in crime and become addicted to drugs. (CORRECT)

You frequently write the WRONG sentence.

While it is good for students to get exposure to (You did not understand the task. It is not about exposing students to computer programming or information technology.) modern technology in education, they shouldn’t (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) take advantage of this development to drop out of touch (That is not the topic. It is about the school systems, not the students.) with traditional schools completely. ~~In this essay, I will give two reasons.~~

(Do not mention your essay.)

Here is an example thesis statement:

Online classes will never replace the traditional classrooms because students learn better in that setting and their interaction with their peers and teachers are far more rewarding and personal.

On the one hand, (Incorrect transition phrase. Do not use this is an opinion essay where you are giving reasons for your view.) attending online classes is not so effective as going to conventional schools. First, teachers have difficulty in giving clear lectures, students can’t ask for deeper explanations even if they haven’t understood the lessons yet. In addition, students have a tendency to be passive ~~and devoid of real knowledge~~. (That makes no sense. Knowledge is what you know. Everyone knows something. Everyone has knowledge.) They may be overly dependent on the internet, googling the answers to their assignments or even the questions in examinations. Second, students are easily distracted by many activities ~~components~~ (wrong word.) while studying at home, resulting in worse learning outcomes. In particular, they can either suffer from the loud noises of their neighbors, the children, construction sites nearby (missing conjunction. ungrammatical structure) or even eat, sleep, play games, chat their friends up (missing conjunction. ungrammatical structure) without paying attention. ~~Those~~ These arguments prove that school is the most ideal place to study in earnest.

On the other hand, taking lessons all day in a stuffy space (Are you still writing about studying at home?) can have a profound influence on students’ physical and mental health. Children have to be stuck (wrong word.) with the screens, sit at the desks for too long, (missing conjunction. ungrammatical structure) which does harm to their eyes, brains due to radiation, and their musculoskeletal system as well. Meanwhile, they can look at green trees in the schoolyard to let their eyes relax, spend their break time going around and taking fresh air. Besides, online learning triggers ~~off~~ significant ~~numbers of~~ mental problems. Particularly, students are inclined to feel socially isolated, have lower levels of depression and anxiety. (missing conjunction. ungrammatical structure) Ultimately, there are no longer images of healthy and out-going (wrong form) children.

To recuperate, no matter how significantly the technology develops, I don’t support the idea that traditional schools will be replaced by online classes.

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