Please review part of my story and let me know my problem areas in English

This is my first post, but I wanted to start with part of my story. I am going to start from the beginning of my novel and I just would like someone to point out how good it is and what I need to work on. Do you think that it sounds good enough to finish and be published? Thanks for all of your help

Chapter one


Jessica Yates woke up with the sun beating in her eyes. The morning wind was blowing her white curtains, and the birds were chirping their little songs. It was a beautiful morning, but due to the hangover from last night, Jessica didn’t notice. She turned over to go back to sleep, but her pounding head wouldn’t let her. Looking over at her clock she seen that it was almost noon. She groaned as she got up to get some Tylenol. At this moment in time, she swore against drinking ever again. She walked through her room, which she hasn’t cleaned in awhile, to the bathroom connected to it, stubbing her toe on the way. Cursing she reached the sink and got the Tylenol. After she drank a glass of water, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her beautiful auburn hair was dancing all over the place, she had dark circles under her chestnut brown eyes; she couldn’t help to notice how thin and pale she was looking. She knew it was all from going out all week to the clubs.

Now is the time to take a day off and let her body recuperate from all the alcohol before she goes back to work. Therefore, she turned on the TV and got ready to relax; then the doorbell rang. “Be right there!” She hollered as she cursed whoever it was bugging her on her day off. She tried to calm down her hair by running her hands through it and took a deep breath as she opened the door.

She didn’t know who was standing at her door but damn he was handsome. His dark brown hair was a little curly and almost down to his shoulders, then she saw his eyes, a deep blue, she just seemed to sink to the floor looking at them. Then she noticed his perfect built body that had just the right amount of muscle on it in all the right places. She wanted to eat him up right then and there. “Can I help you?” she asked giving one of her come and get it smiles. He stood mesmerized for a second and couldn’t help to think how pretty she was even though she looked like she’s been through hell and back.

He cleared his throat before he confronted her, “Hi, my name is Jeremiah Pennington, I found this last night at club Caliente, and I believe it’s yours.” He handed her the purse.

There hands brushed and it sent a shock straight through his belly, “I had to go through it to get the address I hope you don’t mind.” He had to get out of here so he could breathe.

“No problem; I didn’t even realize I lost it. Thank you so much.” She replied. He was so handsome; she just couldn’t quit staring.

“Your welcome, I’ve got to get going maybe I’ll see you around.” He said as he turned to walk away hoping that he would be more prepared if they met again.

“Maybe.” She said to his back as she watched him walk away and hoped she would bump into him again someday, maybe when she looked better. She closed the door and went back to her day of relaxing. Later that evening she woke up not knowing when she fell asleep. She felt very refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the day knowing her roommate and co owner of their bookstore, The Book Escape, Natalie Brookes was coming home later that evening. Natalie went on a vacation last week to Hawaii with her family.

She got up to take a relaxing bath. When she finally got out Natalie was sitting on the couch munching down on leftover spaghetti and meatballs.

“Hey, how was your trip?” Jessica asked, as she ran a towel through her hair.

“I had a blast; there were the cutest guys over there, I wish you would have come.” Natalie replied.

“I should of but I thought you would want to be with your family alone.” She said as she sat beside her.

“My parents went off by there self most of the time so I was left to fend for myself. So how was your vacation?” Natalie asked as she offered the rest of her plate to Jessie.

“I went clubbing all week, didn’t find one guy who interested me, had a hangover from hell, and swore off drinking ever again.” She grabbed the plate and finished it off.

“That’s what we all say, you‘ll wind up drinking again whether it be on an occasion or regularly. You do look a little pale though; maybe you did party a little too much.” Natalie said as she gave Jessie a good once over.

“You should have seen me this morning. I looked like hell.” She said with exaggeration.

“Well you’ll look better tomorrow. I’m going to go take a shower then go to bed.”

“Night Nat.”

“Night Jess.”

Jessie sat for a minute thinking about the stupid crap she did this week, Natalie was really her only friend so she was all alone during her parting. She met a few guys but didn’t go home with any of them; looking back, she actually didn’t have that much fun. I guess I’m just getting old, she said to herself. Shrugging she got up and started to do a much needed clean.

The next day Jessica was swamped with paperwork, the week they were gone had to be the busiest, and Rebecca Tyler, the recently new manager, was just beginning to get the hang of things and hasn’t learned how to handle paperwork yet. Therefore, Jessie had to make up for lost time. Felling a little overwhelmed, she sat back in her chair and looked around the room. As she looked at her office, a little closed in room with no windows, a desk thrown in, and papers everywhere, she began to think back.

A year ago, when they first opened the bookstore, she never would have guessed that they would get this busy so fast. They started out with two employees one to run the cash register, and one to run the coffee shop, which also had desserts and soups. They ran the rest. They were getting so in over there heads that here recently they had to hire one more for the coffee shop, a stocker, and a manager. She was glad it was doing so well, and if it keeps up, they could start expanding to other towns.

She decided to get up and take a break. As she was walking out of the office, Rebecca was running up to her. So much for that break she thought.

“Hey Jessica How was your vacation?” Rebecca asked.

“Couldn’t have been better, did you have any problems here while I was gone?” She replied hoping nothing major happened.

“None to big that I couldn’t handle, did you get all the paperwork from last week?”

“Yea, looks like you had a busy week. It’s good to know you handled it without us.” Jessie said, as she looked her manager over. They did a good job picking this one.