Please Review My Writting Task 2

Topic :

Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay :

Thank to more widely open policies in the economy and immigration of many countries, the world has witnessed the surprisingly increase formation of multicultural societies where a varying number of ethnic people stay together. Although this trend has adverse effects on nations, I would argue that these drawbacks are far outweighed by the advantages.

On the one hand, there are some disadvantages of a multicultural society. One drawback is the race discrimination. People from different cultural backgrounds living together in a community might result in social conflict due to differences in religious beliefs and practices, ethnic rituals, or lifestyles, which may cause a rift between races. For example, black people are not allowed the same right as white people in society of the United States. Another downside is the religious conflicts. Some groups might have extreme faith in their religions, but have negative attitudes towards other beliefs. One of the classic examples would be about the debate on religion in Israel between the Jewish and the Palestinian, giving rise to so many casualties. In addition, the inheritance of the culture and custom is jeopardized by the cultural homogenization. Language plays a key role in the transmission of human culture; however, children in multicultural societies are compelled to learn and speak the languages which are popular and useful in a daily life. Consequently, fewer individuals can speak native language, and this language might become extinct eventually.

On the other hand, I believe that the multiculturalism has more considerable benefits. First, a mixture of various ethnic groups makes contributions to the diversification of national cultures. People from different regions immigrating to other countries to seek new opportunities and better way of life may bring new customs, knowledge, cuisines and perspectives with them to expand local culture. This can lead to a more abundant social life, a diversity of ideas, a broader range of conceptions and an economic development. Second, multicultural communities play an integral role to make the world more connected. They assist local residents to build friendships with people from different backgrounds and promote open-minded population. For instance, people can know how to get along or interact with people from different cultures by sharing their own cultural experiences such as meal recipes and traditional costumes.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the merits of multicultural societies are more notable than its disadvantages.