Please review my writting in Task 1 IELTS

Question

The chart compares the proportion of the population by age groups in a town who cycled in 2011.
The percentage of a female who rode bicycles is higher than male in all age group. Besides that, we can also recognize that between 18 and 59, the figures for cyclists in both genders were lower than for other age groups.
In the age group 0-9 and 10-17, the proportion of both male and female were significantly high with 51.3% and 42.2% in female and 50.3% and 24.6% in male. So the age group 0-9 is the highest percentage who cycled.
In the age group 18-59, it was declined sharply to be the smallest proportion who rode bicycles with 17.1% and 12.3% for females and 9.7% and 8.0% for males. By contrast, the group age 60+ was increased noticeably, with 18.5% in females and 13.2% in males, which made this age group be the third in the age group who cycled.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You need to practice singular and plural nouns. That is very basic English.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

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The chart (That is not a chart. There are bar charts and pie charts. Use the correct name for this.) compares the proportion of the population by age groups in a town who cycled in 2011. (You need to mention that it is also divided into males and females. Also, how many age groups are there? What are they? Your description is very incomplete. )

Model opening paragraph:

The table lists the percentages of people who rode bicycles in 2011 in one particular town. It is broken down by gender and age group. There are five age groups, two for children and three for adults, specifically, young children aged 0-9, older children and teenagers aged 10-17, young adults aged 19-39, middle-aged adults aged 49-59, and older adults, over 60.

The percentage of a female (What is the percentage of one person? The legs? The arms?) who rode bicycles is higher than male (One male? That is not good.) in all age group. Besides that, we can also recognize that between 18 and 59, the ~~figures~~ percentages of ~~for~~ cyclists in both genders were lower than for other age groups.
In the age group 0-9 and 10-17, the proportion of both male and female were ~~significantly~~ high with 51.3% and 42.2% in female and 50.3% and 24.6% in male. So the age group 0-9 is the highest percentage who cycled.
In the age group 18-59, it was declined sharply (Use rise and decline / increase and decrease for things that go up and down over time. You cannot use those words to describe the data in two different groups at one single time) to be the smallest proportion who rode bicycles with 17.1% and 12.3% for females and 9.7% and 8.0% for males. By contrast, the group age 60+ was increased noticeably, with 18.5% in females and 13.2% in males, which made this age group be the third in the age group who cycled. (incorrect phrasing)

Model. This essay is way too long (250 words) but it give you some phrases and vocabulary to study.
There are three paragraphs. The first gives all the information about the table, but does not tell the reader about the content. The second gives 3 major observations. The third gives some interesting details.

The table compares the proportion of people who rode bicycles in 2011 in one particular town. The table has two columns: males and females. There are five rows, for the age groups. Two of them are for children and three for adults, specifically, young children aged 0-9, older children and teenagers aged 10-17, young adults aged 19-39, middle-aged adults aged 49-59, and older adults, over 60.

Overall, the data for girls and women was higher than that of their counterparts in all age groups. The percentages for the children (under age 18) were higher than those for the adults. About half of the children under age 10 in the town, both boys and girls, rode bicycles.

In detail, the age group of older children (10-17) had the greatest difference between the male and female cyclists, about 42% of the women cycled compared to 25% of the men. That was nearly a 2:1 ratio. The difference was nearly the same for young adults (age 18-39), where the percentage for men (9.7%) was about 0.6 or 60% that of women (17.1%). The age group with the smallest proportion of cyclists was in the older adults (40-59). Even the seniors had higher values (12% and 18% for women and 8% and 13% for men, respectively.) The smallest percentages in the table were for adult males, where less than one in every ten men between the ages of 18 and 59 rode a bicycle.

Please review my writting in Task 1 IELTS

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