Please review my writing task 2. Thanks

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Many people believe that children are considered to be the future of humanity, so that they often teach them to try the best in order to gain more achievements. However, some others argue that this idea can lead children to under pressure. In this essay, I will give more evidences about the benefits and drawbacks of this common opinion.

First of all, we know that when we ask our children to strive for anything, we have motivated them a lot, especially belonging to the psychological field. For instance, in the growth stage of children in some Asian countries, their parents normally encourage them to learn words as many as possible. If they can do better than others, these parents will proud of them, and even give them many presents. In addition, with the example I have mentioned, this encouraging idea generally take a shape of competition between children in the upcoming future.

In contrast, asking a child try harder may make them overwhelming. In fact, a large number of Korean students have committed suicide because of studying stress. This figure has still risen rapidly until now. The reason is that they were afraid of failure. Another example is that the same situation has happened with Japanese due to work hardest and can’t find any ideal of life. To be extended, the more afraid they have, the lack of equal in competition they do. As the result, many people chose “dark path” in their career because they desire a happy life in the material world when they were young. For that reason, they will make the statement of trying hardest with others.