Please review my writing task 2. Thank you.

Question

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?Has this become a positive or negative development?My essay:Due to the rapid growth of technology, there is a change in the way people interact with each other. Technology has an impact on the people’s relationship by getting people’s attention and making them spend most of their time on it and I argue that this trend is a negative development.To begin with, technology gets people’s attention and makes them waste a lot of time on it. There are a lot of interesting things invented by modern technology such as Netflix – an online app the people can watch TV Shows and films from many different countries without going to the cinema. In addition, people can read the latest news, broaden their knowledge about a country’s culture and economy, and participate in many different courses through a screen that has Internet network. As a result, people do not have time for their friends and relatives, so there is a change in their relationships.There are a various range of communication means which were invented by technology such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. People often share their thoughts, pictures and experiences with friends and relatives without meeting directly, which creates distances in their relationships. Furthermore, there are a lot of games on the internet that attract a lot of people to play, which narrows their relationships. As a personal example, I used to be addicted to computer games, I spent my time playing games even I quit some lessons at the school every week, as a result, I and my parents had a fight, and our relationship is not close like before.In conclusion, technology makes people’s interaction change by getting their attention and time. I believe that it is a negative development.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

First of all, the topic does not use the word "technology" in the right way. Most essay writers do not know how to use this word.

Humans have been developing technologies for hundreds of thousands of years.

When you use the word "technology" you must be specific as to what exactly you are talking about. Phrases like "growth of technology" and "development of technology" are rather meaningless.

You need to use phrases like "communications technology" or "information technology" or "nuclear power technology" or "space technology" or "automotive technology" or " computer technology" or "modern technology" so the reader knows what you are talking about.

An application or website is not a "technology" at all. A smartphone is not a technology. It uses computer technology, communications technology and battery technology.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Here is the topic in better English:

The way many people interact with each other has changed because of modern technology such as computer and communication technologies.

.In what ways has it affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Due to the rapid advances in computing technology, ~~growth of technology,~~ there is (Use present perfect tense) a change in the way people interact with each other. ~~Technology~~ Computers, portable game consoles, the internet and smart phones has an impact on the people’s relationship (You need the plural form) by getting people’s attention and making them spend most of their time on it (wrong pronoun. There is more than one of these devices!) and I argue that this trend is a negative development.

To begin with, technology (wrong word. What are you talking about?) gets people’s attention and makes them waste a lot of time on it. There are a lot of interesting things invented by (People invent things. Technology does not do that. Technology is an abstract concept.) ~~modern technology~~ such as Netflix (Netflix is an application. It is not a technology.) – an online app the people can watch TV Shows and films from many different countries without going to the cinema. In addition, people can read the latest news, broaden their knowledge about a country’s culture and economy, and participate in many different courses through a screen that has Internet network. ( The internet is an immense global network of computers and routers. Screens do not have an internet. A screen is part of a computer device that has a connection to the internet.) As a result, people do not have time for their friends and relatives, so there is a change in their relationships.

There are a various range of ~~communication means~~ (wrong usage. Communications means are WiFi, cellular, and hard wired.) social media websites ~~which were invented by technology~~ (wrong expression) such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. (Those are websites, not technologies.) People often share their thoughts, pictures and experiences with friends and relatives without meeting directly, which creates distances in their relationships. Furthermore, there are a lot of games on the internet that attract a lot of people to play, which narrows their relationships. As a personal example, I used to be addicted to computer games, (comma splice error. Incorrect punctuation) I spent my time playing games even I ~~quit~~ skipped some lessons at ~~the~~ school every week, (comma splice error. Incorrect punctuation) as a result, ~~I and~~ my parents and I had a fight, and our relationship is not close like before.

In conclusion, technology (wrong usage) makes people’s interaction change by getting their attention and time. I believe that it is a negative development.

Please review my writing task 2. Thank you.

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