Please review my Writing Task 2

Topic:
Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries.

Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

My answer:
At the moment, great emphasis is placed on experience at work rather than knowledge in many nations. In my opinion, although this trend has the potential to breed an unhealthy working environment, it will significantly benefit the productivity of organizations.

On the one hand, as more attention is paid to work experience, brilliant but young people are constantly challenged. Because of their lack of experience, they are unable to quickly move up to the career ladder and take venerable positions in companies. This also enables seniors to look down on juniors, thereby creating insurmountable pressure for the younger generations.

On the other hand, with the expertise of experienced employees being appreciated, a loyal attitude and great contribution will be encouraged for the sake of the corporates. This strategy is adopted by the beverage giant Coca-Cola, which provides senior personnel with more remuneration packages than other employees so as to retain their service. In addition, for younger workers, a practical mindset will be instilled. Many individuals, particularly students, pursue qualifications in order to move up to the career ladder. Yet, they are unable to cope with work pressure and strict requirements from their employers. As experience now is more valued, the young will be less obsessed with achieving academic results and instead allocate more effort to sharpening their techniques.

In conclusion, despite having some detrimental effects on the atmosphere of the workplace, the fact that experience is emphasized is far more beneficial to the performance of the personnel.