Please review my writing task 1 thank you

Question

The given line graph illustrates the amount of traded commodities in the UK, in million tonnes, by various transport approaches from 1974 to 2002.

According to the graph, pipeline, water transportation, along with ground roads, which were the most selected option among them all, have had increased in their figures. As for the railway, despite rapid changes, only a fractional rise can be seen over the 28 years.

With regards to the goods transported by roads, it began at approximately 70 million tonnes and fluctuated till 1982 and had a gradual surge from 1982to about 1990. Afterward, a slight decrease and thenceforth the trend is on the rise reaching roughly 100million tonnes. The number of commodities moved through water is around 40 million tones in 1974 after gradual, steady climb figures dropped from the early 90s to 1998. It rose again and had a peak of over 60 million tonnes by 2002.

The pipeline category had an upward trend from the beginning of the duration untill1994. It rose to over 20 million tonnes later leveled off and remained stable. The railway group oscillated noticeably between 1978 to 2002. However, numbers were bearly over 40 million tones which were more or less the same as 1974.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. I posted it on your last Task 1 essay, but you did not read it!

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The ~~given~~ (Unnatural. Do not use "provided" or "given" ) line graph illustrates (wrong word. Read my advice.) the amount of traded commodities (wrong word. Commodities are only a certain kind of goods. ) in the UK, in million tonnes, by various (Do not use "various" when you know the precise number!) transport approaches (wrong word. A mean of transport is not an "approach", which means to come closer.) from 1974 to 2002. (What are the four methods of transport?)

~~According to the graph,~~ (Delete this phrase - verbose. It is completely unnecessary) . pipeline, water transportation, along with ~~groun~~d (Ground roads is not a natural expression) roads, which were the most selected option (wrong phrase) among them all, have had increased in their figures. (wrong word. Read my advice.) As for the railway, despite rapid changes, (I do not know what you mean.) only a fractional rise can be seen over the 28 years.

With regards to the amount of goods transported by roads, it began at approximately 70 million tonnes and fluctuated (wrong word. Read my advice.) till 1982 and had a gradual surge (wrong word. Read my advice.) from 1982to about 1990. Afterward, a slight decrease and thenceforth the trend is on the rise (unnatural. Also this curve had a rising trend during the entire period. Read my advice about trends and fluctuations.) reaching roughly 100million tonnes. The number of tonnes ~~commodities~~ (Do not attempt to use synonyms in Task 1 unless you are absolutely sure that the two words have exactly the same meaning.) moved ~~through~~ (wrong word.) over water is around 40 million ~~tones~~ (wrong word. A tone is a musical note.) in 1974 after (run-on sentence) a gradual, steady climb it ~~figures~~ (wrong word. Read my advice. Learn how to use pronouns to avoid synonyms and repetition.) dropped from the early 90s to 1998. It rose again and had a peak (wrong word. Read my advice. There are no peaks on this graph..) of over 60 million tonnes by 2002.

Transport by pipeline ~~category~~ had an upward trend from the beginning of the duration (wrong word. .) untill1994. It rose to over 20 million tonnes (run-on sentence) later leveled off and remained constant. ~~stable~~. The railway ~~group~~ oscillated (wrong word. Springs and pendulums oscillate. Oscillate is a sinusoidal curve. There are no such curves on this graph. ) noticeably between 1978 to 2002. However, ~~numbers were bearly~~ the number was just over 40 million tones which were more or less the same as 1974.

Here are examples of oscillation (oscillate - verb). An oscillation has a characteristic frequency.

Stable means that it will not fall over.

This bridge is not very stable. You can fall off.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay (~190 words)

Notes:

1. I define and use the abbreviation for millions of tonnes (megatonnes): MT. Using abbreviations for the units of measure avoids a lot of repetition; it is a good way to get more points.

2. To achieve the best cohesion and coherence, all the elements of the figure that you write about in the body paragraphs should be introduced in the first paragraph. It avoids repetition and confusion. You may need two or (rarely) three sentences in the opening paragraph.

3. To get the highest marks for task 1, you have to combine categories in a natural manner. If you just copy numbers from the graph to the essay, it may have perfect English grammar and versatile vocabulary, but you cannot achieve the highest score. For this task, I chose to compare the total weight at start and end of the period. Then the relative amounts (percentages or proportions) for each mode of transport could be described.

The line graph plots the amount of goods (by weight, in millions of tonnes (MT) ) conveyed within the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four modes of transport: road, water, rail and pipeline.

Overall, the largest amounts were moved over the road system throughout the entire period. Water was clearly established in second place after 1978, followed by rail and pipeline. In addition, the total weight went up substantially, distributed over all modes but rail.

In detail, in 1974, 155 MT were transported, 45% (70 MT) being by road. Water and rail had equal shares, about 25% each, and pipeline carried the remainder. Rail and water diverged around 1978, when the amounts moved by water went up and those by rail dropped. Pipeline transport had a broad plateau ( around 25 MT) between 1982 and 1990, but then fell to end at about 20 MT in 2002. In 2002, there was a total of 202 MT of goods transported, about 40% more than in 1974. Still about the same percentage (43% or 95 MT) was moved by road, with water being second, at around 30% or 65 MT, followed by rail (18% or 40 MT).

Please review my writing task 1 thank you

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