Please review my writing task 1. Thank you

Question

The maps compare the development of a health centre between the year 2005 and nowadays.

As exhibited in the instructions, it is immediately obvious that there are an abundance of dramatic changes in the indoor facilities and the surrounding areas. To be more specific, the minor operations room has been constructed on the top left of the map, while the physical therapy one is remained in the same place. Subsequently, the reception desk has been moved to under the narrower office room within easier reach of patients. Nevertheless, they also transfer the entrance to the right corner, beside the brand new children’s play area and the seat to the opposite side. Moreover, constructors have erected another CR room called CR4 and place four of them next to each other maybe for more convenient and helpful treatments.

Another notable change is the outside of the building. It is clearly that the car park is still in the same place but has been leveled up to 30 spaces, almost threefold the previous one.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

Can you show us the maps please?

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Nguyen Thi Ngoc Anh · Answer

WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The maps compare the development (The developments are not the point of comparison. The two different layouts of the facility are compared.) of a health centre between the year 2005 and nowadays.

Introduction:

The two plans of the health centre illustrate the changes and improvements that were made to the building and its surroundings from 2005 to 2020.

~~As exhibited in the instructions,~~ (That makes no sense.) ~~it is immediately obvious that~~ (Do not write opinions in Task 1. "obvious" is an opinion word.) there are an abundance of dramatic changes in the indoor facilities and the surrounding areas. (You have changed the main idea of the paragraph here. You should start a new paragraph.) To be more specific, the minor operations room has been constructed on the top left (On maps, use compass points for directions) of the map, while the physical therapy ~~one~~ is remained (wrong verb form) in the same place. Subsequently, (wrong word. You do not know the order of these changes..) the reception desk has been moved to under (wrong word) the narrower office room closer to the entrance. ~~within easier reach of patients~~. Nevertheless, they also transfer (Wrong tense, also wrong verb) the entrance to the right corner, beside the brand new children’s play area and the seat to the opposite side. Moreover, ~~constructors~~ (wrong word) the remodelers / builders / architects have ~~erected~~ added another CR room called CR4 and place (wrong verb form) four of them next to each other ~~maybe for more convenient and helpful treatments~~. (Do not write opinions or conclusions or inferences in Task 1.)

(This should be part of paragraph #2, the "overall") Another notable change is the outside of the building. ~~It is clearly that~~ the car park is still in the same place but has been expanded ~~leveled up~~ to 30 spaces, almost three times larger. ~~threefold the previous one~~.

Your paragraphing is not the best. Here is a general outline for Task 1.

Paragraph 1: Describe the infographic, but not the data.

Paragraph 2: "Main features" - Describe the most important observations you have about the information content.

Example: Overall, the centre has been considerably enlarged, with more parking, one more consulting room, and a new practice, minor operations. The entrance was moved from the south side to the west side of the building.

Paragraph 3: Describe some details and comparisons.

Use map directions on maps:

Please review my writing task 1. Thank you

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