Please review my writing task 1. Many thanks

Question

The table compares the proportion of the good first-year students at five aspects of their courses in three different fields in 2003.

Overall, it can be seen clearly from the table that the percentage of students in all three domains rated “very good” at aspect of tutor support topped the list, whereas that of aspect of resource was the lowest in all fields.

Initially, the figure for tutor support was ranked first in the list, with 96% for business, 85% for computing and 90% for maths, as compared to that of resource was the lowest in all fields, with 58% for business, 56% for computing and 51% for maths.

On the other hand, the percentage of business first-year students rating “very good” at teaching quality was 93%, with taking the second position in the list. Similarly, the figure for teaching quality in computing students also took the second position in the list, with 88%. Meanwhile, the proportion of maths students at course content accounted for 72% lower than that of tutor support and constitued the same percentages of pre-course information and teaching quality, with 64% for both.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The table compares the proportion of the good first-year students (Incorrect. The students in the survey were not selected so that only the good ones could answer. You need to accurately describe this table. ) at five aspects of their courses in three different subjects ~~fields~~ in 2003.

Where did you find this essay? The instructions are rather strange. It does not seem to be an authentic Task 1 essay.

Here is how I interpret these instructions.

There was a survey of first-year university students in 2003 to rate their classes in business, computing and maths, on each of five different aspects. The table lists the percentage of these students who gave a "very good" response. The aspects were various assessments of course content and quality of the staff.

Overall, ~~it can be seen clearly from the table that~~ (Unnecessary verbiage. "Clearly" is an opinion word. Do not put opinions in Task 1. The reader knows you are describing the content of the table.) the percentage of students in all three domains (wrong word. These are classes or courses.) rated “very good” at aspect of tutor support topped the list, (ungrammatical. This sentence does not have a valid clause structure.) whereas that of aspect of resource (wrong phrase) was the lowest in all fields.

Initially, (Initially is related to time. It is not a good word here.) ~~the figure for~~ (wrong word) tutor support was ranked first in the list, (Incorrect. It was not first for computer classes. Teaching quality ranked higher.) with 96% for business, 85% for computing and 90% for maths, as compared to that of resource was the lowest in all fields, (ungrammatical. This sentence does not have a valid clause structure.) with 58% for business, 56% for computing and 51% for maths.

On the other hand, (inappropriate transition phrase) the percentage of ~~business~~ first-year students rating ~~“very good” at~~ teaching quality in the business courses as "very good" was 93%, ~~with~~ taking the second position (Are you comparing rows or columns? I don't know what you are comparing. ) in the list. Similarly, ~~the figure for teaching quality in computing students also took the second position in the list, with 88%~~. (That makes no sense at all. ) Teaching quality of the computing classes also ranked highly, since 88% of the students reported it was very good. Meanwhile, the proportion of maths students at course content accounted for 72% lower than that of tutor support and constitued the same percentages of pre-course information and teaching quality, with 64% for both. (That makes no sense.)

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Example essay:

There was a survey of first-year university students in 2003 to rate their classes in business, computing and maths, on each of five different aspects. The table lists the percentage of these students who gave a "very good" response. The aspects were various assessments of course content and quality of the staff.

Overall, the aspect that received the lowest rating was the resources for the courses, with less than six in ten students rating it very good. Pre-course information did not do much better, with an average in the low 60s. Tutor support was consistent in receiving the highest approvals.

In detail, in terms of the subject area, Maths got the lowest percentages of "very good" rating, especially in the course resources where a very small majority, 51% gave that assessment. Business was much more favorably ranked, with the highest percentages in teaching quality, tutor support, course content and resources. It fell second after Maths in the quality of pre-course information, receiving 62% compared to 64% "very good" ratings. The largest discrepancy between the classes was in teaching quality. The business and computing classes were rated "very good" by 93% and 88% of the students, compared to Maths with 64%.

Please review my writing task 1. Many thanks

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions