Please review my writing task 1 essay (table)

Question

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.The table gives information on the percentage of national consumer expenditure by category in the five different countries in 2002.Overall, Turkey reached the highest percentage of consumer spending in both food/drinks/tobacco and leisure/education. Sweden reached the lowest percentage of consumer expenditure in food/drinks/tobacco and clothing/footwear.Turkey was the country that people spend much on food/drink/tobacco more than any country else in the table. Turkey took up 32.14% of consumer spending in this category. However, Swedes spent least on food/drink/tobacco and as half as the percentage of Turkey. Next, Italy reached 9% and also the highest point in the clothing/footwear percentage. Sweden reached the lowest point in the category.Another trend needs to be noticed that Turkey continued to lead the percentage of consumer expenditure in leisure/education at about 4,35%. However, the distance between the amount of consumer spending in these countries wasn't much. Spain took the lowest point in the category at about 1,98%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table gives information on (

That is not good. I have information on Japan. = I know its population, gross domestic product, main industries and area of the country. How can you have information on a percentage or number or value of something? That makes no sense.)

the percentage of national consumer expenditure by category (How many categories? What are they?) in the five different countries (What are these countries? ) in 2002.

Overall, Turkey ~~reached~~ (wrong word) had the highest percentage of consumer spending in both food/drinks/tobacco and leisure/education. Sweden ~~reached~~ had the lowest percentage of consumer expenditure in food/drinks/tobacco and clothing/footwear. (Incomplete)

~~Turkey was the country that~~ (awkward. Focus on conveying information clearly, not on odd sentence structures.) Turkish people spend much on food/drink/tobacco more than any country else (poor English. Also, this is incoherent. You never told the reader what the other countries are, so the reader is confused..) in the table. Turkey took up (wrong word) 32.14% of consumer spending in this category. However, Swedes spent the least on food/drink/tobacco, ~~and as~~ half as the percentage of the Turks ~~Turkey~~. Next, Italy reached (wrong word) 9%, ~~and also~~ the highest percentage ~~point~~ in the clothing/footwear category ~~percentage~~. (wrong word) Sweden reached (wrong word) the lowest percentage / value ~~point~~ in the category.

~~Another trend needs to be noticed~~ (wrong word. A trend is something that increases or decreases over time. You have one single time point, 2002. It is impossible to see a trend when there is only one snapshot in time.) ~~that~~ Turkey ~~continued to lead the percentage of consumer expenditure in~~ had the highest outlay in leisure/education at about 4,35%. However, the ~~distance~~ (wrong word) ~~between the amount of~~ range in consumer spending was small. ~~in these countries wasn't much.~~ Spain took (wrong word) the lowest point (wrong word) in the category at about 1,98%.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Here is a lesson on this task.

1. Useful vocabulary words:

a) Nationalities:

Turks - people of Turkey (Turkish people)
the Irish - people of Ireland
Spaniards - people of Spain (also the Spanish)
Swedes - people of Sweden
Italians - people of Italy

outlier - a data value that is significantly different than the others. It stands out.

range (verb, also a noun): the span of the extreme values for one measure.

fraction - a division used to make a descriptive comparison between two values.
e.g. A = 100 and B = 18. B is a small fraction of A.

threefold (adjective) = a factor of three greater

Essay for study purposes. This essay is too long for IELTS Task 1, but gives some examples of using the above vocabulary words.

My essay outline:

Paragraph 1: Describe the table, its rows and column headings. This provides the coherence and cohesion for the entire essay. The reader understands fully what is in the table.
Paragraph 2: Write 2 or 3 main features. The main features should cover the "big picture" not individual items.

Paragraph 3: Write some interesting details. Focus on comparisons. Include specific numbers from the table.

Note that in paragraph 2, I added the total percentages for two countries, Turkey and Sweden. They were the highest and lowest. Also, I compared the categories by the average expenditures.

The essay:

The table compares the percentages of total spending that people in five different countries allocated to three budget categories (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear and leisure/education) in the year 2002. The countries listed are Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey.

Overall, the total expenditures for these three categories was less that half the household budget in all countries. Highest allocations were to "food, drink and tobacco," and lowest for "leisure and education" without exception.

In detail, Turkish people spent about 43% in total, with "food, drink and tobacco" having the highest outlay, 32.14%. Ireland was nearly as high, 28.91%, compared to the category average of 22%. Swedes had the least, 15.77%. In fact, they had the lowest combined total of about 24%. Spending on the other two categories was a comparatively small fraction of the total. Leisure / education was consistently under 5%, with Turkey having the highest value at 4.35%. And it was slightly lower than clothing/footwear, which ranged from 5.40 to 6.63% with the exception of Italy, an outlier at 9%.

Please review my writing task 1 essay (table)

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