Please review my Writing Task 1 essay

Question

Topic:

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

My essay:

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of females and males passing the driving test in 1980, 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Overall, there was an increase in the percentage of people succeeding in the driving test in both sexes. Women generally have a higher proportion of success in the test than that of men.

In 1980, nearly half of female drivers taking the test passed, while the figure for male stood at around 30%. In the following 10 years, both men and women experienced a growth in the percentage of passing, to 51% and 38% respectively.

By the next decade, the rate of women succeeded in the driving test climbed significantly to reach its highest, at about 70%. Subsequently, this figure fell to 55% at the end of the period. On the other hand, between 2000 and 2010, there was no change in the percentage of men who passed the test, with the figure stood at approximately 49%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. They describe your incorrect vocabulary usage: figure, experience and rate

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart illustrates (read my advice - wrong word) the ~~proportion~~ percentage of females and males passing the driving test in 1980, 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Overall, there was an increase in the percentage of people succeeding in passing the driving test. ~~in both sexes~~. Women generally have a higher proportion of success in the test than ~~that o~~f men.

In 1980, nearly half of female drivers taking the test passed, while ~~the figure~~ (read my advice - wrong word) f~~or male stood at around~~ for the men, it was 30%. In the following 10 years, both men and women experienced (read my advice - wrong word) a growth in the percentage of passing, to 51% and 38% respectively. (Do not make a new paragraph. The topic has not changed.)

By the next decade, ~~the rate~~ (read my advice - wrong word) a higher proportion of women succeeded in the driving test ~~climbed significantly to reach its highest, at~~ about 70%. That was the highest level on the chart. Subsequently, this figure (read my advice - wrong word) fell to 55% in 2010. ~~at the end of the period.~~ On the other hand, between 2000 and 2010, there was no change in the percentage of men who passed the test, with the figure (read my advice - wrong word) stood (wrong verb form) at approximately 49%.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

Outline:

Paragraph 1: describe all aspects of the figure. Do not mention any data values.
Paragraph 2: select and report two or three main features. This is in all task 1 instructions. You must clearly indicate you most important observations.
Paragraph 3: Continue to report some details, but focus especially on comparing values. Combine categories where possible.

The grouped bar chart compares the percentages of men and women who passed their driving test to get a drivers license in a particular Asian nation. Data points are shown for four years: 1980, 1990, 2000 and 2010.

Overall, less than half the men succeeded in passing their driving test at any point in time. The women fared much better, especially after 1980 when the majority did well enough to pass. Values tended to go up over time; it went down only in a single instance, for women between 2000 and 2010.

In detail, fewer than half the people who attempted the test passed in 1980, although almost twice as many women as men passed, 48% versus 28%. There was a stepwise increase in the percentages for both men and women from 1980 to 1990 and 1990 to 2000, with the largest rise coming in the latter of these two intervals. By 2000, a little over two-thirds of the women succeeded, which was the highest measure on the entire chart. Men never achieved more than 50%, although they came fairly close, about 49%, in both 2000 and 2010.

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